


Pray for Rain

by angrbodagiantess



Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Brotherly Affection, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Loki Needs a Hug, Loki Whump, Loki's Lips Sewn Shut, Physical Disability, Protective Thor, Psychological Trauma, Sensory Deprivation, Thor Is a Good Bro, Thor Needs A Hug Too, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-13
Updated: 2014-06-09
Packaged: 2017-12-26 09:03:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 39,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/964101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angrbodagiantess/pseuds/angrbodagiantess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor has returned to Earth with Loki in tow, but there's something terribly wrong with the situation and the Avengers must learn to cope, along with the two brothers. Post-Avengers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _(This story is on hiatus until further notice. Chapter 16 is an author's note; see for more details.)_
> 
> This is my first straight-up h/c fic. I'll admit there's not much in the way of an actual plot to what I've written so far; it's mostly just an excuse to write the Avengers and Loki in a domestic environment, whilst packing in angst and delicious brofeels along the way (and whump. You guys know I survive off of whump; my evilness knows no bounds! XD). The premise isn't exactly unique, but I hope there's some stuff in here that piques your interest.
> 
> The 'M' rating is mostly for the torture stuff.

Tony Stark had just dropped something. He wasn't sure  _what_  he'd just dropped, because his mind, quite frankly, didn't care at the moment. It fell and clanged on the floor, something metal and heavy- but he paid it no attention.

_Thor_. It was Thor. Standing in front of him, so  _suddenly_  in front of him, as though he'd popped out of nowhere, right into Tony's workshop.

Tony cursed something, but he didn't realize it, he just stared, dumbfounded, blinking.

"Uh," he finally got out.

"Anthony Stark," said Thor, a strangely sad and desperate look on the normally sunny face.

Tony was sitting down. He hadn't been sitting down a second ago, but he was sitting now.  _Why am I sitting down?_  So he stood up, slowly approaching the thunderer.

"Uh," he said again. "Did you just-" He whipped his head around.  _How did he get in here?_  The workshop-  _Tony's_  workshop -in Avengers Tower required a key-code to enter. "How did you get in here?" He asked, trying to regain his normally nonchalant composure.

He looked around again, searching for any holes the god might have made whilst barging in here. The god of thunder wasn't exactly the most patient of people, he might have just lost his patience and-

"I require your help, Stark," said the thunderer, his quieted and slightly quaking voice giving Tony pause.

"Right- Okay. And, uh, it's just 'Tony'." No matter how many times he had told him, it was always, 'Stark', 'Son of Howard', 'Man of Iron', 'Metal Man'- Tony was tired of it ten minutes after he met the blonde god.

Thor hadn't moved. Which was strange, since he normally gave everyone within hugging distance- which was really just everyone within earshot -a crushing embrace that never failed to bruise.

"What with?" Stark asked, trying to go about his business as if nothing strange was happening. He moved things around the work table, not  _really_ doing anything, but he suddenly felt the need to  _look_  busy. When Thor didn't say anything, he asked again, without looking at the god: "So are you gonna tell me how you got in here, or am I gonna have to guess-"

Tony stopped. Thor had moved. Just one step to the side.

Then Tony realized, he and Thor weren't the only ones in this room.

.

His head was spinning, his eyes wide, his body rigid. Tony Stark did  _not_  like what he was seeing.

"What the f- I- How did-" His mouth was moving but his words weren't working right. Finally, one word made it out that he was actually  _trying_  to get out: " _Loki?_ "

Because there before the genius was none other than the god of mischief himself, brother of Thor, trickster extraordinaire, and would-be conqueror of Earth.

"Thor..." Tony was glad his voice was back. "Did you...hit me in the head recently and I don't remember? Because, I'm pretty sure I'm hallucinating your brother. Not the best hallucination, I admit, but who says hallucinations have to be something you  _want_  to see-"

"Stark," interrupted Thor, looking like he wanted to step closer to explain, but he remained next to his brother, his hand around the smaller god's arm.

"Please tell me I'm imagining him, Thor..." Tony blinked several times, as though that would make the image before him change.

"You are not imagining him, my friend," said Thor, a sadness still lingering behind cobalt blue eyes.

And suddenly Tony noticed Thor's armor. The thunder god's typically pristine armor was marred by splotches of blood and smeared dirt, and the edges of his red cape were burned. He sported no injuries that Tony could see-  _Thank God_  -but he looked as though he had just been through a prolonged battle.

And Loki...  _What's wrong with his eyes?_  Stark stared at the trickster, mouth agape.  _And what the fu-!_  "Thor." Tony could barely get the name out, he couldn't take his eyes off the dark-haired god.

"Yes, Stark?" Thor said quietly, letting his friend observe at his own pace.

"Why are his lips sewn shut?" It didn't sound like a question, even though it was. Tony realized his voice was an octave higher, but he was surprised he managed to even ask anything at all. "And...his eyes...what's up with..."

Thor was nodding, and Tony kept staring, staring at the enemy he once fought. He doesn't notice that Thor hasn't answered him.

Loki's eyes are  _white_ , so white; as though he's blind. And by the way he stares at seemingly nothing, it's a good bet he is. There's an odd spider-like white pattern spread around his eyes, as though someone had spilled some pale liquid on them and he couldn't dry it off. And his lips... Tony can't take his eyes off them. Thread. Black thread. Traces of blood lingering where the string pierced his skin.

"What-" Tony tries to speak, but his throat is suddenly dry.

"I have come to seek asylum for my brother," Thor blurts out.

Tony blinked rapidly, still unable to tear his gaze from the as-yet unmoving trickster god. "Uh-huh," the billionaire says blankly, not really listening.

The blonde puts an arm around his younger brother, to which the younger moves his head slightly, as if to acknowledge the movement.

While Thor is wearing his usual armor, Loki is wearing a plain grey long-sleeved shirt- quite torn and frayed around the edges -and a pair of dark trousers in a similar condition. He wears no shoes.

"Stark!" bellows Thor, and Tony jumps and jerks his head to him. "I apologize for my abruptness...and," he hesitates, looking to his brother, who still hasn't moved, "I know you may not wish to offer us aid."

Tony stares at the two, body and mind feeling heavy suddenly. "Well... I didn't say that. Actually I... don't think I've said much of anything yet," he smirked. Stark knew he was a talker, being quiet was  _not_ his thing.

Thor gave a small smile in return- a  _very_ small smile, and the sight of something so withered on a face so accustomed to bright, sunny smiles... It didn't look right.

"Are you..? What's going on?" Tony asks, completely forgetting whatever Thor had said earlier.

The thunderer doesn't seem to notice either, "I have come to Earth to ask asylum for my brother."

Tony furrows his brow, "I'm sorry, what?"

Thor sighs, "May we..." he looks around, "discuss this in a more comfortable venue?"

"Oh," Stark's eyebrows go up. "Oh sure, uh..." He scratches the back of his head, looking around. "Yeah, sure. Upstairs."

.

The ride up the tower is one of the strangest Tony has ever been on.  _Why didn't I build bigger elevators?_

Thor had led his, apparently, blind and gagged brother onto the elevator, not saying a word the whole way.

"So...Loki..." Stark couldn't help it, the quiet was unnerving him. It didn't occur to him that Loki couldn't answer. "Having fun your second time in my tower?" It was almost a perverse question, Tony knew, but he just said whatever first popped in his head.

Loki said nothing, as predicted, but Thor said something he wasn't expecting. "He cannot hear you."

_What?_  "What?"  _He is_ not _about to tell me-_

"Loki is..." Thor stared at the opposite wall, his face purposefully away from the inventor. "Loki cannot hear, either..."

Tony swallowed. He didn't say anything, he  _couldn't_  say anything.

The trickster's face was somber, blank; head tilted down. White eyes half-lidded staring at the floor- staring at nothing. He leaned on Thor and Thor kept a protective arm around his shoulders.

The air was too close in here. Tony wanted out. He wanted to get off on this floor, he wanted the infernal moving contraption to  _stop_. But most of all, he wanted his mind to stop  _thinking_. Stop thinking about what all this means. Stop thinking about what it might be like to-

_Why did I have to make such a tall building?_  He was busy cursing his ego when the metal doors slid open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter than the later ones. As I said, not much plot in this story outside of Loki and the Avengers interacting socially and trying to help him recover. Other than that, there's ridiculous amounts of brotherly Thor and Loki huggles (yes, that's hugs and snuggles together, you know you love that word), so if you don't like that- run while you still can!
> 
> Random note: Whenever I'm in the middle of one of my other stories, this one will take a backseat so I won't get behind on updating the others. I'm afraid that means updates for this one might be sporadic- although gaps between chapters will be no longer than a month (I'm hoping).


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter one was too short, and more like a prologue, so here's the second chapter.

Thankfully, there was no one up at this hour, no one to greet them and complicate things even more than they already were. The two brothers sat on a couch together- no surprise there -and Stark on the one opposite. Thor still kept an arm around Loki's shoulders. The trickster did nothing out of the ordinary; his eyes unmoving, devoid of emotion.

"So," Stark said, uncertain how to begin. "Want anything to drink?" Thor stared at him. "No? Are you sure?" The thunderer nodded twice, face blank, although something like anticipation lingered behind the somber mask.

Tony himself could have used a drink, but he couldn't bring himself to get one at the moment- it just felt... inappropriate. So instead he just nodded, and looked around.  _Is he expecting me to ask questions?_

Suddenly Thor spoke, "Anthony..."

Tony raised his eyebrows at the name, but didn't feel the need to correct the god.

"I..." continued Thor. "I know you require explanation for what has happened, but..." he trailed off, looking to his brother for a moment, then down to the floor. "It is a long tale." He looked to Tony. "Would you prefer the others to be present for the telling?"

That was actually a valid question, but Tony still didn't think it would be a good idea to crowd the two gods, given the situation.  _Well,_ thought Tony, as though someone could hear him,  _I can be considerate when I_ need _to be_. He smirked a little to himself before answering. "Uhh...no. I mean, I get what you're saying, but... Well, let's just say it would probably be best to-" he searched for the right words "-keep things quiet for right now." Thor narrowed his eyes just a fraction. "Just for now."

Thor nodded. This uncharacteristic  _quietness_  was beginning to unnerve Tony. What happened to that over-exuberant thunder god everyone knew?

"So," said Tony, "you've been gone a few months now, but him," he pointed at Loki. "He's been gone what- two years? What's happened since then?"

Thor hesitated but answered. "Loki has been serving his sentence since he returned."

Tony nodded. "Okay. And... is his punishment over, or..." he trailed off. It didn't  _look_  like his punishment was over. In fact, it looked like Thor was just taking him out for a stroll or something. Was the thunderer planning on returning his brother to... whatever his punishment was?

"No," answered Thor. "I..."

Tony cocked his head. "No?" Thor avoided his eyes. "Then... what's he doing here? You didn't like, sneak him out or something, did you?" said Tony in a humored tone. Thor said nothing; Tony's face fell. "You didn't, right?" he deadpanned. He stared at Thor, then glanced at Loki, then back at Thor. "Thor-?"

"I could not leave my brother to this torture any longer." The conviction in the god's voice actually sent a shiver down Tony's spine. Thor was always making grand statements- which always sounded somewhat hilarious given his archaic speech patterns, at least to Tony -but this time, Tony couldn't help but respect the hard-bitten words.

Tony leaned forward, sitting on the edge of his seat. "Thor. Where have you been the last few months? We haven't heard a peep from you in all that time."

"I was," Thor rubbed a hand through his hair. "I was looking for Loki. I didn't find him until about a week ago."

The inventor raised his brows. "Oh? You didn't know where he was being kept?"

Thor shook his head, "No. Our father," his face grew stern. "The All-father refused to tell me where Loki was being held. I have been on a long journey to find him." Tony could see tears welling up in the god's eyes. "And when I did," he looked down. "And when I did I found... this."

 _This..._  The statement wasn't so much about Loki, but about his  _state_. That the once-proud and powerful trickster god, who had tried to take over a whole planet, had been reduced to...  _this_. This creature who was obviously just a fraction of what he once was. Tony breathed out through his nose. "Is he..." He wasn't sure what to say. "Why didn't you... why didn't you take the stitches out?"

Thor's eyes finally met his; anger lingered for only a fraction of a second, but was soon buried by what looked like exhaustion and grief. "I have tried." The thunderer's shoulders slumped. "They are enchanted. No knife or edge could cut these strings."

Tony was, once  _again_ , at a loss for words.  _But surely they would have removed them eventually?_  But he couldn't make the words come out. He managed to ask something else. "And how long has he been..." Tony indicated his own mouth with a wave of his hand.

"I am uncertain. At least a year, I believe."

Tony nearly choked on his own spit. "A year?! A-A year? Seriously, what- how-?"

Thor looked a little surprised. "We can survive for a considerable length of time without food or water, Stark... Although, it is not recommended." The thunderer gave a sad smile.

The inventor nodded absently, eyes wide.  _He_ is _serious._  He still couldn't quite believe it.  _Alien gods..._  More questions tumbled out of his mouth. "And... his eyes?"

Thor frowned. "Venom," came the simple answer.

There was a pregnant pause. "Venom," Tony repeated, staring. "Just what the hell does that mean?"

There was a sigh, "That was his final punishment: to have the venom of a serpent drip onto his face until... I don't know." Thor's face scrunched up a little, clearly not wishing to remember, although it was apparently only a week or so ago. "I found him and he was..." The god covered his face with one hand. "He was..." Thor took a deep breath, not lifting his face. "He could not even scream."

Tony was absently nodding, eyes like saucers, staring at nothing. "Right..." came his unthinking words.

Thor sniffled a little and Tony realized the god was crying. "Stark?"

"Huh?" he answered without thinking, eyes involuntarily moving to the blonde god, whose eyes were slightly red but not wet.

"May I ask a favor?"

Stark stared, but nodded.

"My brother has not had water in a very long time, may I-"

"Oh," said Tony, suddenly snapping back to himself. "Oh yeah, sure. Right. Sure, I'll- I'll get some." He stood up, body rigid, uncertain. "Um," he thought out loud. "How do we get him to..." Thor said nothing. Tony waved a hand dismissively. "Never mind, never mind. Straws. Right. I'll be back in a sec."

.

Several minutes later Tony was back with a cup of lukewarm water- he wasn't sure if it should be cold or not, better safe than sorry, though -and a single, thin white straw.

Thor didn't hear him approaching, so Tony walked quietly closer, suddenly curious at the sight before him.

Loki was leaning on his brother, head resting on his shoulder. Thor's lips were moving, whispering something that sounded like soothing words, as though Loki could hear.  _Can he?_  Tony wondered, but soon realized it was probably a compulsion the older brother couldn't help. With the arm that was circled around Loki, Thor carded a hand through the younger god's hair. Next, Thor leaned back a little from Loki, then with his lips against the younger's forehead spoke a few more words. Then with both hands on the sides of his brother's head, Thor placed two kisses on his forehead, then the bridge of his nose, then his left cheek.

Tony stared. He couldn't  _not_ stare. Loki's face was toward Tony, and the inventor noticed that the trickster did nothing to stop Thor, and in fact, he seemed to be leaning in to the thunderer's affectionate touches. Curiosity rising, Tony took a step forward, but Thor heard him and turned.

"Oh," said Tony, feeling as though he'd been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to. "Uh..."

Thor smiled a little and laid Loki's head on his shoulder once again. "You wonder at my actions?"

Tony raised his brows and sat down on a chair near the two. "I...guess. Yeah."

The god nodded. "Loki cannot see, nor speak, nor hear. Only his sense of touch remains. I will show him he is safe any way I can." Technically, Tony thought, his sense of taste and smell remain, too- although he didn't really know. But those were hardly important senses in the grand scheme of things. Even so, he understood. It was the only way Loki could communicate, and for others to communicate with  _him_  as well.

Tony tilted his head and looked at the dark-haired god. "I get it. No need to explain." Even though he already did. Tony indicated the cup in his hand, "How do we..?"

Thor lifted one of Loki's hands up, and Loki kept his hand raised after Thor let go. The thunder god then took the cup and placed it in the trickster's hand. The younger god frowned a little at the shape, then took his other hand and dipped a finger into the cup, feeling the liquid, then the straw. Loki made a small whining noise, apparently distraught at something, head tipping toward Thor.

The thunder god placed his face against the side of Loki's head and said: "It's alright, brother, it is only water." He then rubbed a hand up and down Loki's back, as though to convey those words in motions.

Loki continued to frown, clearly worried, but nodded nonetheless, apparently trusting his older brother not to poison him- or whatever he was worried about.

Thor moved both arms to help his brother drink, but when the protective arm around him disappeared, Loki whined again, looking toward Thor, agitated. Thor sighed and returned his arm to its previous position on Loki's back.

"Man of iron," Tony perked up. "Can you..?"

Tony hesitated for a second then understood what the thunder god was asking. "Oh. Sure. I'll just-" Stark knelt down in front of the two brothers, then helped Loki direct the cup toward his mouth.

Since the trickster might have difficulty in understand or even directing a straw, Tony grabbed it and- with an involuntary wince -helped the thin plastic touch the damaged lips.

At first Loki took the straw and, with Tony's help, maneuvered it between his dry lips, but after only a few sips, Loki jerked back leaving the cup in Stark's hands, as well as the straw. The trickster then shrunk back, against the back of the couch, and proceeded to hide behind Thor- as best he could with the space so small -as the thunder god let go out of surprise. Two shaking hands grasped at Thor's red cape as Loki hid his face against his brother's back and lifted his legs to his chest, although he couldn't quite fit them behind Thor.

"What the hell," said Stark, startled.

Thor sighed. "I am sorry, it is not your fault."

"Not my- What did I do?"

The god tried to untangle his brother from behind him but Loki seemed adamant to stay where he was. "You did nothing, Anthony. Loki simply realized there was another in his presence."

Tony started for a moment, then produced an 'o' with his mouth when he realized what had happened. Loki had probably had no idea that Tony was even there. The second Thor seemed to be both holding him and helping him drink with two hands as well... Well, he could have assumed Thor had sprung an extra limb or he could jump to the first logical conclusion, which obviously he did.

A muffled whimper escaped from behind Thor and both the thunder god and the inventor looked distraught at the sound.

 _Why the hell am I even caring about this guy?_  asked Tony to himself. The immediate answer was:  _Because you're not a cold-hearted bastard, that's why._

Thor sat unmoving for a moment, clearly both tired and worried for his brother. The three men did nothing for a while, then Thor spoke: "Stark?"

Tony lifted his brows in question.

"May he touch your beard?"

The inventor's eyes widened, staring. "Say what." He considered for a moment that Thor had lost his mind- maybe insanity was contagious? Hanging around Loki all day long?

The thunderer smiled a little in embarrassment. "I apologize, allow me to explain: Loki is unaware that he is even on Midgard," Tony perked an eyebrow at that. "If he were to touch your... very distinctive beard, he may come to understand where he is."

"Uh," was all Tony managed, at least for a few seconds. "I'm sorry, and is touching my beard- which he's only seen a couple times,  _two years_  ago -going to help tell him where he is? Are you seri- Really?"

Thor nodded. "I know my brother. He has a very good memory; he would not have forgotten. And I have never seen a beard like yours, even on Asgard."

Tony stroked his beard unconsciously, almost proudly. "Even so, is he really gonna want to  _be_  on Midgard... Earth, whatever. I doubt he'll actually be happy about that."

The thunder god tilted his head in acknowledgement. "Perhaps. But Asgard would be far worse. It was they who sentenced him to such tortures. Earth is not ideal, but..." he trailed off, obviously hoping Tony would get it.

He  _did_  get it, but it was still weird. But oh well, what's the big deal, anyway? So he nodded in agreement.

Thor nodded in return, then tried his best to turn around to see his still-hiding brother. When Loki made noises of protest at Thor trying to move an arm around him to extract him from his back, the older god grabbed one of Loki's wrists- gently, Tony noticed -and moved him back to where he had been sitting. Loki scowled fiercely, probably not appreciating being manhandled, but acquiesced anyway, although he still shrunk back against the couch and kept his knees up to his chest protectively.

Tony then jutted out his chin, waiting for Thor to do... whatever he was trying to do. The thunder god chuckled a little at the inventor's face, but once again moved one of Loki's hands, until the too-thin fingers touched Tony's face.

An expression full of curiosity fell over Loki as he traced the lines of Tony's beard. Next, confusion flitted over it, then finally a moment of recognition. The trickster's eyes blew wide-open as he made a high-pitched keening noise and scrambled back to his previous position behind Thor.

Although he sighed tiredly, this time Thor scooted a little forward allowing his brother to hide behind him, long legs sticking out awkwardly from behind Thor as the side of Loki's face rubbed into the cape, his hands grasping at the red cloth.

Thor looked so tired.

"So," said Tony, breaking the silence. "I guess he knows where he is?"

Thor nodded with a tired smile. "Verily."

"Right. Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"I get everything else, but... why can't he hear?"

Thor's face was blank. "The venom. Loki was restrained face-up, the venom was very powerful, and- magical, it damaged more than his eyes."

Tony nodded slowly.  _Wow. That sucks._  A thought occurred to him. "Won't he heal? I mean, eventually?"

A spark of something, something  _positive_  jumped into Thor's eyes. "Yes," he nodded. "Eventually his hearing and eyesight will return."

Stark sighed a little in relief, he wasn't sure why.  _Why am_ I  _so relieved?_  "Well, that's something, at least."

"Although," the spark all but left Thor's eyes, but not completely. "It will take a considerable amount of time with his magic bound. Especially his eyesight."

"Still," said Stark, determined to bring back that  _something_. "At least he  _will_  get them back, right?"

The something didn't quite come back fully, but enough of it returned to the god of thunder's face that Stark smiled a little, even if he felt a little stupid doing it.

Loki rested against Thor's back, apparently content to remain there for the rest of the day.

Thor sighed again, but it was less tired this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, am I mean to Loki or am I mean? I have read quite a few 'lips sewn shut' stories out there, and a few 'venom in the eyes' ones, but nothing yet that combined the two; and here, why not just go all out and make him deaf, too? I thought it might be too angsty or otherwise weird to write, however, I've found it quite a challenge, but in a fun way (but not fun for the characters, lol). How *does* one write from the perspective of someone missing three vital senses? ;D


	3. Chapter 3

Thor hadn't told Stark  _everything_ , he had felt that more details could wait until later. Both he and Loki needed rest, as it had been almost a week since either of them had gotten much sleep.

After coaxing Loki out of his hiding place behind Thor, both he and Stark were able to persuade the trickster to drink a little more water, although once the younger god had started they had to prevent him from drinking _too_  much, knowing it might upset his stomach. The mischief god had protested with whines, then pouted like a child, then tried what Stark called 'puppy-dog eyes' to be allowed to drink more- although the effect was lessened given the unnatural look of his eyes. Both had chuckled at the display, but Thor tried his best to convey 'later', although neither was sure if Loki had truly understood.

Stark had promised not to tell the others anything until Thor had a chance to speak with them, although they both knew the inventor was a terrible liar. At least both Romanoff and Barton were away on missions; Thor did not look forward to explaining the situation to them. Rogers would no doubt be the easiest to inform, his compassion greater than any Thor had ever met. Banner was away for a couple of days, Tony had informed him, but he too would probably be easy to persuade to grant asylum.

After helping Loki bathe and change into night clothes and settling him into their bed, Thor took a shower himself and changed into Midgardian attire, something he had learned to appreciate given their simplicity.

When Thor approached the bed, he started when he noticed Loki's eyes were wide open, curled up on his side and surrounded by thick covers.

"Loki?" he said, even though he knew his brother couldn't hear him.

And when the bed dipped as Thor moved to comfort him, Loki flinched back, whimpering softly. Thor's shoulders slumped. He honestly had very little clue as to what was going through Loki's mind at any given moment. He had to constantly consider what it was like being deaf, blind, and mute all at once- how vulnerable that would feel. Loki was essentially helpless being deprived of so many of his senses.  _And his magic_ , Thor thought.  _Loki has been deprived of that as well._ Thor had forgotten. Without his words, Loki could no longer cast spells. How dark his world must be...

So without delay Thor gathered his little brother into his arms, even as Loki jerked back, frightened. Upon realizing it was Thor, the younger god immediately relaxed and fell into the embrace, making small noises as if to say, 'Don't ever do that again'.

Thor kissed the top of the dark head, then settled his lips against it. "I will never leave you," he mumbled, not caring that the other couldn't hear him. Loki reached up a hand to feel of Thor's beard for several moments, then settled his head against his chest as the thunder god leaned against the headboard. "I will never leave you," said Thor again, but this time it wasn't for Loki's sake that he said it.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

 _The first sensations that Loki registered upon waking were of pain. No wait, not pain... something else. Not pain not pain notpainnotpainnotpain... His mind spun at the new sensation- or rather the lack of sensation. That there_ wasn't _any pain. No, that wasn't exactly true, there was still pain, thrumming through his body, his face- but not like the pain he'd known for so long, that_ constant _drip, drip, drip and the agony that followed the terrible beat like a most wicked heart. This was different,_ lacking _in the horrid constant._

 _Then there was something touching him. Something warm and so near- too near. Loki tried to jerk away, to escape whatever new torment his cruel torturers would inflict upon him, but he couldn't- he couldn't get away because strong- yet somehow gentle -hands were holding him. Holding both his arms as he struggled to get away, but he was too weak._ So weak. _He dreaded what they would do with him,_ to _him. He knew he couldn't escape, could do nothing against them but he needed to fight, he couldn't stop himself trying- couldn't deny himself this sliver of hope... Even a pointless and useless hope was still hope._

 _But instead of pain, instead of the expected onslaught of terrible nightmares made flesh, he's being held- no,_ embraced _. Such a strange foreign thing, Loki doesn't recognize it for what it is. The hands on him are frantic, rubbing at his back and his arms and Loki only wants to get away, get awaygetaway,_ why can't I get away?  _Then, a hand is around his neck... no wait- at the back of his neck, where someone used to-_

 _Loki can't believe it,_ refuses _to believe it._ It can't be him, it's not him _. But the gesture is so familiar, so..._ him.  _Then with the other hand on the side of his face Loki feels something wet press against his forehead, against his face. He's confused but knows he likes the gesture, whatever it is. The hand at the nape of his neck doesn't let go and he doesn't want it to. Out of desperation, out of instinctive_  need _, Loki leans toward this strange being in front of him. He does the only thing he can think to do... he sniffs at it. Immediately his mind bursts with memories of things long past, of things forgotten and buried- discarded to the dirt as useless lumps that would aid him not with such pain exploding in his entire being everyday, every hour, every_ minute _. But now it comes back to him, floods back like a torn river and he's afraid he'll drown in it- but it would be a pleasant death, he thinks. There's a smell like lightning and hard metal and torn leather, of unstoppable rage and gentle sunny smiles that could pierce even the darkest abyss. Of scraped knees followed by cobalt blue eyes and soft teases, of strong arms- so strong they could tear the worlds asunder if they were meant for it. Of brothers... of something that was once his, just as he was the other's. Of..._ Thor...

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

The light shining through his eyelids made Thor jerk up, the memories of the previous day suddenly forgotten, the only thoughts of his brother and that they were in an unfamiliar place. The soft bed and shining skyline out the window relaxed his nerves, but the dream- no, a nightmare -he had been having was still fresh in his mind. Loki had been taken from him and he couldn't find him. All of Asgard laughed when he inquired after his brother- even their mother laughed. When he had approached Loki's room, he found his brother lying face-down on the bed. When Thor turned him over, he nearly screamed as Loki had no face; a blank flesh-mask stared back at him without eyes. But what made it worse, what made Thor wake up, was that Loki was  _still alive_ , still moving, silently suffering, still-

Thor pushed the dream out of his mind and quickly looked to his sleeping brother. He still held Loki in a tight embrace and the trickster didn't seem to mind- didn't even wake up. However, when Thor shifted to move, Loki's eyes flew open.  _So,_  Thor thought, _not asleep._  Silently, he wondered if his brother had slept at all, but it was difficult to tell given the state of the younger god's face.

Loki nuzzled the side of his face against Thor's chest, as if to say, 'Good morning, brother.' Thor even thought he saw a quirk of the ruined lips, although he might have just imagined it.

.

The rest of the morning was spent trying to juggle between getting Loki to do something he didn't understand, and getting Loki to  _let him go_. The trickster absolutely refused to let the thunderer out of his grasp, even when Thor had to use the restroom. Thor had shrugged and smirked, knowing that not only would his younger brother not care, but that he probably didn't even know what Thor was doing anyway.

It was beginning to unnerve Thor just how doll-like his little brother had become. Although Loki would stand and occasionally move on his own, most of the time he was as docile as a marionette, waiting for the puppeteer to pull his strings and make him move. His face was almost always blank, and Thor began to realize just how much senses like sight and hearing influenced what facial expressions people made. Without input, there really was no reason for output. Without knowledge of his surroundings or goings-on, Loki had no reason to react. It always took something extreme to elicit any sort of reaction.

So after Thor had dressed both himself and his brother in plain Midgardian clothes- a light blue shirt for himself, and one of his own dark green shirts for Loki, although it was too big on him given his emaciated frame -the thunder god was determined to get a reaction out of Loki for  _something_.

The trickster had one hand looped into the back part of Thor's belt- which was odd, but easy to manage while Thor got ready -so the older brother turned around and hugged him tightly, perhaps too tightly. Unfortunately, Loki did nothing but lean into the hug.  _W_ _ell, that won't do_ , so Thor leaned back and lifted him up off the ground.  _Surely this will annoy him, he always hated it when I-_  But Loki's face was blank, placid, _accepting_. He even leaned down and rested his head against Thor's shoulder. Not one for wasting a hug, Thor held him for a moment, but eventually sighed and allowed Loki to slide down to the floor. And once again, the blank face stared back at him, unmoving and waiting. It wasn't one of Loki's masks. It wasn't bored, or annoyed, or silently mocking, just...  _docile_ ,  _pliant_. In short,  _not his brother_. For a moment he thought about yesterday, how Loki had shown a few emotions... but, no. Abject terror and confusion weren't exactly ideal emotions.

Thor smiled a little and hugged his brother around the neck.  _It's not your fault, brother_ , he thought.  _I should not expect you to be something or do something for_ my _sake_. Thor knew he was being selfish, expecting Loki to be the same brother he had known all his life after all that had happened. It probably wasn't possible.

After stepping back Thor noticed the tag at the back of Loki's- or rather his own -shirt was sticking up. When the thunderer leaned around Loki to fix it, Thor was  _certain_  he saw a small quirk of the trickster's lips. He leaned back, unsure if he had truly seen it since Loki's face was as still and passive as it had been a moment before.

 _Hm_.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Loki felt the soft clothes on him, and when he felt that Thor was looking away, he smelled of the shirt, realizing it was  _Thor's_. A strange warmth came over him at the notion that this somehow made him closer to Thor, that even when alone and without his big brother, that at least he had this cloth. He next wondered if he also wore Thor's trousers, and decided he was, since they were a little too long and not very fitting. He felt of the material, finding it unfamiliar and foreign, and absently wondered what color they were. He wore no shoes, but knew he would need his own since Thor's feet were larger than his. He had arrived with no shoes and it would have been strange to wear any after being deprived of footwear for so long. He honestly couldn't remember when he had last worn any. Before the dungeon, maybe? Or did they take his shoes after they strapped him to the rock and he saw the snake- He shut down that train of thought completely and concentrated on Thor.  _Thor._ His clothes, his smell,  _Thor, Thor, Thor._  As far as Loki was concerned, nothing else in the universe mattered. He didn't care if nothing else  _existed_ except Thor, his brother, his liberator. His  _protector_.

Thor was hugging him now. Hugging him and lifting him up, his arms trapped at his sides. Loki liked it; liked having him so close. He supposed it was a good thing his big brother had always been so keen on physically representing his affection- always touching and embracing Loki... and everyone and everything else with a beating heart. Certainly the thunder god always manhandling him had annoyed Loki to no end, and he hadn't exactly been fond of all the invasion of personal space, either. But now it only comforted him and he found he couldn't get enough of it.

Loki leaned his head on Thor's shoulder to encourage the act, then felt himself sliding back down. The moment he felt Thor fiddling with something at the back of his neck, the trickster couldn't help a small smile. He repressed it immediately, though, knowing it would only aggravate his stitches.  _My brother, always so doting._  Although he didn't quite know what Thor was doing, it was appreciated nonetheless.

.

As soon as the air shifted, Loki knew they had left the room. The smells were also different, and he recognized that the room they had stayed in had been Thor's.  _No doubt his Midgardian friends keep it for him for when he visits_ , Loki absently mused.

He held tightly to Thor's arm as they walked, determined not to trip or stumble in case one of the humans was near. He had already severely embarrassed himself in front of that dolt Stark, and he didn't wish to repeat that experience with the others- or Stark again. At least he had managed not to  _cry_  in front of the mortal. Next, Loki wondered if he even  _could_  cry; or were his eyes too damaged?

The familiar feel of Thor's arm suddenly around his shoulders snapped Loki back to attention, although there was no real reason for it. He had no clue what was going on so he just held tightly to Thor and tried his best not to think of what might happen when the other Avengers saw them. Or had they already spoken to them? Or was that only Stark yesterday? Loki immediately let it go.  _It doesn't matter. Only Thor matters. Thor, Thor, Thor..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, Loki kind of (read: understatement) worships Thor now, doesn't he? Can't really blame him for being clingy, though. And is it just me, or has Loki sort of reverted to a child-like state? Lol, poor thing.
> 
> So did you guys likey? X3 More Avengers interactions next chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the shortness of the chapter but it was the best stopping point. More Avengers interactions, as promised!

Steve Rogers was  _staring_ ; Thor couldn't blame him. But as the ever-polite man the captain was, he immediately blinked rapidly and tried his best to look away.  _Is it for my benefit, or Loki's?_  Thor wondered. Loki couldn't see, of course, but somehow he doubted that mattered to the good captain. He was sure the human considered being rude to a  _blind man_  even worse- no matter the same man couldn't even  _see_  the offense.

As predicted, Stark was a terrible liar. Even Steve had been able to tell that he was hiding something. And if that were not enough, the billionaire had been severely hungover- which only served to agitate him and make him less likely to want to keep anything hidden, let alone something so important. He told Steve everything before noon.

Thor was secretly glad of it; it meant he wouldn't have to explain everything again. The captain had a few more questions, most of little consequence, and- again, as Thor predicted -the mortal quickly vowed that Loki would be safe here, as long as he caused no trouble. To Thor and Stark's amusement, Rogers quickly reddened at the strangeness of the statement, given Loki's condition, but the captain stood his ground and Thor assured him of the trickster's compliance. The soldier was duty and honor-bound to ensure the safety of the planet, after all- or so Stark said, in far more a sarcastic manner than was necessary.

They were all standing in the living room. The two brothers leaned against the back of a couch, with Thor's arm around the other, as the two mortals stood a few feet from them, arms crossed.

"So," said Stark to Thor. "He okay? He looks a little..." the man squinted at Loki, then straightened up. "Actually he looks pretty much the same as yesterday. In a word: terrible." Tony glanced and Thor, "No offense."

Thor glared at him but responded, "None taken."

"But still," continued Tony in a slightly lilting voice, "he looks better in those clothes. Even kind of cute." Both blondes stared at the billionaire, who held up two hands. "What? You know what I mean; the shirt and pants are too big on him. Like a kid wearing his dad's clothes or something. It's cute," he shrugged.

The thunder god actually agreed but continued glaring at the mortal, determined to look at least a little upset on his brother's behalf since he had just compared Loki to a child.

Steve rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say, Tony." He then directed his attention to Thor, who still kept his arm around Loki. Steve nodded in the trickster's direction, "Is there anything he needs? His own room? Clothes-?"

"Hey!" said Tony, exasperated. "Why are  _you_ asking this stuff, they're in my tower-"

"Anything at all?" continued Steve, ignoring the shorter man.

Thor smiled a little at the two mortals' exchange, then thought about it. He looked to his brother. "Loki will not stay in his own room, but clothing that will fit him would be much appreciated. Thank you."

Both mortals nodded in acknowledgement. Stark tapped Steve's arm, "What're you nodding at; I'm the one buying the stuff."

The captain raised both eyebrows boredly and continued looking at the two gods. "I think we can arrange that."

"Hey!" exclaimed Tony with outstretched arms. "Am I even in this room?"

"Nope," said Steve as he walked slowly toward Loki. He addressed Thor, "Is there some way he can know I'm here?"

Thor smiled in appreciation at his friend, happy that the mortal understood at least that small concept. "I am not certain..." Thor scratched his beard, thinking. "Do you have your magnificent shield? He would remember it."

The soldier nodded, "Sure, it's right here." He retrieved the painted shield from behind the couch, then walked back around to the two with it outstretched. "Should I just..."

"Stand here," Thor pointed in front of Loki, then, just as with the cup of water, directed his brother's hand to touch the metal.

And just as with Stark's beard, Loki was confused at first, then when recognition- much quicker this time, Thor noticed -flitted across his face, he backed away, holding tightly to Thor. Even so, he didn't hide behind the thunderer this time, and Thor considered it a good sign. Either Loki was coming to understand the Avengers meant him no harm, or he knew that a morally upright person like the captain would never harm one so helpless. Thor hoped it was the first, but both were good.

"Oh goody," came Stark's voice. "He knows you're here, can we eat now?" Thor raised a brow. "Golden boy here made lunch, you guys hungry?" asked Stark.

The thunder god nodded, but knew Tony's comment was only meant in jest, that he knew Loki could not eat.

.

The four men walked to the nearest kitchen, one floor down, but before Thor could seat Loki in the nearby dining room, Stark called the thunder god over to the kitchen area.

"Here we go," said the inventor, moving around cups and the appliance Thor recognized as a 'blender'. "Voilà!" said Stark with a sweeping motion. "Instant people-with-lips-sewn-shut food, aka a smoothie, made by yours truly."

"I made that," yelled Rogers as he set the dining table up.

"Yours truly's friend then," said Stark without a trace of guilt. "I put it in a cup, though," he yelled back. "And the straw," he pointed. "Yup. The straw."

Thor eyed the two with amusement as Loki held tightly to his arm.

"Oh," continued Stark, "and it's not a lot and not really strong. Jarvis told us he shouldn't eat anything too tasty. Which sucks, but...whatever."

Thor smiled.  _What wonderful friends_ , he thought.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

The god of mischief felt the softness of the chair under him and the hardness of the table before him. Thor was sat beside him, he knew, and the trickster couldn't help but scoot his chair closer so their sides were touching. Thor tugged him closer for a moment and kissed his temple in reassurance, and the trickster allowed a tiny smile at the movement- even if it fled just as quickly at the painful tug. He knew at least Stark and Rogers were here with them, and that they would see their overt displays of affection, but Loki simply couldn't bring himself to care. The old him would certainly care, but the old him wasn't deprived of half his senses, either. That fool was the one who had gotten him into this predicament in the first place- he'd do well to ignore him.

Loki also knew that this was meal-time, since he had smelled the food before they had even arrived. His stomach turned at the prospect of food, but he also cringed at the knowledge that he would never be able to partake himself.  _So like mortals_ , Loki thought.  _Of course they would torment me with such a tantalizing impossibility, forcing me to sit by with mouth watering while they-_

His hand was being directed, something like a cup pushed into it, the feel of it heavy in his hand. He grasped it tightly and then felt for the small tube that would allow him to drink. Since they had not poisoned him yesterday, he assumed it would be safe to drink- and anyway, the mortals wouldn't be foolish enough to harm him with Thor present.

The thick feel of the liquid and the burst of taste made Loki nearly gag on the drink. Thor seemed to notice since a large hand was suddenly rubbing his back with concern, another hand on his shoulder.

He quickly swallowed it in a small panic, suddenly realizing that this was not water- or any kind of normal drink for that matter. He desperately hoped he wouldn't have the urge to vomit, that would be... unpleasant, to say the least. But even through his surprise and worry, he couldn't deny that it  _tasted good_. Like sweet fruits blended together mixed with some sort of milk. He felt his face stretch a little with a smile, and despite the pain he couldn't stop himself.  _Food..._  his mind tingled with glee. Of course it wasn't a true meal, but Loki's mind couldn't care less at the moment as he clutched the smooth cup beneath his fingers.  _I can...eat..._

Thor kissed his head again, and Loki imagined a sunny wide grin splayed across his idiot brother's wonderful face. A hand patted his thigh as if to say, 'Eat, brother!' He could even hear the familiar voice.

So Loki tucked the straw back into his mouth and ate slowly, but contentedly.

 _Food, food, food_ , his mind repeated.  _Wonderous, delicious, sweet, filling food..._

The comforting hand never left his thigh as Loki finished his meal.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Two mortals and one god of thunder stared with open mouths as the trickster god first  _smiled_  and then began eating- or rather drinking -something that most people wouldn't call a meal. Thor quickly felt a smile cross his own lips- a  _true_  and wide smile he had not experienced in so long. Suddenly he felt himself again.

He kissed his brother's head and ran a hand through his hair, leaning over him, so happy that Loki was happy. He knew that smiling caused Loki's stitches to pull, but the trickster didn't seem to mind, lost in whatever sensations he was clearly enjoying at the moment.

"Wow," said Stark slowly. "I've...never seen someone look like they're having an orgasm just from eating." Rogers smacked the inventor on the back of the head. "Ow!" yelled Stark. "What? Do you  _see_  that look of glee on his face." He stared at Loki, all three men did. "I think he might have just invented a new facial expression: glappy."

" _Glappy?_ " asked Steve, with indignant exasperation.

"Yeah. Glee and happy."

"Glappy," said Steve again, thinking for a moment. "That's stupid, I think you need your head checked."

"I did. I'm a genius."

"Then you need your head checked by someone that isn't missing their own," smirked Steve as he took a bite of his cold pasta.

"Glappy," nodded Tony as he scrutinized Loki. "Thor?"

"Hm?" said the thunder god, lost in watching his brother eat.

"You gonna eat?"

Thor looked at his friends. "Ah," he said, as if he just remembered that there was a plate of food in front of him. Even so, Thor couldn't stop watching Loki. Although the trickster had stopped smiling, a glint of satisfaction still lingered in his milky eyes. "My friends," he finally said. "I must thank you."

Tony jerked his head up from devouring his food, "Huh? For what?" Steve was already getting a second massive helping.

"For... _this_ ," Thor indicated his brother.

The two heroes looked to each for a moment. "No problem, Thor," said Steve, slightly confused. "We couldn't just let him starve," he said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something of a fluffy chapter, I hope you guys liked it!
> 
> I'm not sure if it would be okay for Loki to be eating/drinking what they're giving him given his state, but I figured he's a friggin' *alien*, who knows how his body reacts to things? ;) Justification: accepted. Lol... XD


	5. Chapter 5

The rest of the day confused Loki to no end. The others seemed determined to find some way for him to communicate with them- although the only thing he truly recognized was something like a writing instrument, placed into his hands, which turned out to be both useless and frustrating since he couldn't see- not to mention it was difficult to have a one-sided conversation. He might be able to convey certain simple words, like 'hungry', 'thirsty', and 'sleepy', but hand-motions had worked out quite well already, so there was no reason to write it down.

Most of the rest of the day consisted of sitting, walking, or standing, receiving embraces and reassuring kisses from Thor, and smelling the air whenever they entered a new room.

As if understanding Loki's boredom and/or confusion, the thunder god would walk beside the trickster while he felt about a room with his hands so he could 'see', in his own way, where they were. It was time-consuming and no doubt boring for the blonde, but he seemed neither impatient nor frustrated with Loki.  _Where did my brother suddenly get all of this patience?_  Loki wondered.

Before he knew it they were once again walking into a familiar-smelling place- Thor's room. He was again aided in bathing and changing clothes, and when he realized Thor had to bathe as well, Loki insisted on remaining by his side, sitting outside the tub on a comfortable chair that had not been there before.

Then it was time for bed. Sleep. Loki didn't like sleeping; in fact, he hadn't slept very much since Thor had rescued him. Last night he had slept very little, clinging to his brother and feeling the chest move steadily up and down throughout the night, the strong heart beating against his head. When he finally  _did_  slip into a fitful sleep, he had nightmares that awoke him shortly thereafter, sweaty with his own heart ready to break through his ribcage. Fortunately, Thor had still been there, the same breathing and steady heartbeat calming him once again.

Not wanting to repeat his restlessness of the night before, Loki waited until Thor was asleep, then warily got out of bed to explore the room. He frequently- in fact every several minutes -returned to the bedside to feel for his brother, felt for the breathing and the heartbeat, then continued feeling about the room.

He moved slowly, methodically, determined not to stub his toe on anything- or any other body part. There were two small tables next to the bedside, and two metal-feeling objects of odd shape atop both of them. He couldn't figure out what they were and wondered why they needed to be so close to the bed. When he felt for a button, the top of the odd object became very hot, and Loki jerked away. The next moment he realized what it was- something to provide light. He would have rolled his eyes at himself- if it were possible -for his stupidity, of  _course_  that's what they were. Finding the button again, he turned it off, feeling the heat subside.

Straight across from the bed Loki felt large windows that spanned the entire wall. He wondered if the city glittered outside and if it looked anything like the golden spires of Asgard when the sun's light faded, giving way to the glow of innumerable multi-colored stars and nebulae.

There were certain spots in the room that had cool air blowing out of seemingly nowhere, and Loki wondered if there was a window open somewhere. Was it winter? Why would they leave windows open? There were several other things in the room the mischief god didn't understand the purpose of. A collection of medium-sized furniture- or something -gathered in the corner made of materials Loki couldn't identify being the most unrecognizable.

Pictures hung on the walls- ones he unfortunately couldn't see -and two soft chairs and a single table sat near the window's edge. There was a set of double doors to the left of the bed, near the washroom door, and Loki wondered what they were until he realized it was only a closet- a very  _large_  closet he could walk into that he didn't feel like visiting at the moment.

Walking from the wall at the head of the bed to the glass windowed wall, it was thirty paces, and from the entrance to the washroom door it was twenty. It was a large enough room and he wondered what other types of rooms were in this tower- if that was in fact where they were, no doubt Stark had many homes.

The carpet was the first thing he noticed when entering this room yesterday, but he hadn't considered its feel in any detail until now. It was soft under his toes, like the fur of some animal, and Loki wondered how many of the creature it would take to fill a space this size. The mortals were an industrious lot, however, perhaps it was artificially created, somehow.

Then he came to the door. Loki could feel cool air seeping in from outside and suddenly felt the urge to try and open it. With a shaking hand he began turning the knob, but before the door could move he let go and stepped back, as though the door might come alive all its own and open wide and suck him out, into the waiting arms of some terrible nightmare Thor wouldn't be able to save him from this time.

Suddenly fearful, Loki rushed back to where he knew his brother slept, then hastily slid under the covers and snuggled close to Thor's warmth. As if sensing Loki near, the thunderer mumbled sleepily and turned toward him, to which the younger turned around and draped Thor's arm over his chest. Content and feeling safe with Thor at his back, Loki fell into sleep a moment later.

.

_"What is your crime, Odinson?"_

_Loki was trembling; he knew he had to answer, but he was in too much pain to remember. He felt the hot metal sear the bottom of his foot once again, and he screamed._

_"What is your crime, Odinson?!" came the question again, more angry._

_He swallowed, throat dry and lips like sandpaper. He wanted to answer,_ had _to answer. When he felt the molten heat near his foot again, he yelped out: "Wait! Wait!" the heat moved a fraction away. "Wait, I-" he gathered his thoughts,_ forced _his mind to work, to remember. "I-I-I k-killed... people." The words came out, but he gritted his teeth, knowing it wasn't enough. The ropes creaked overhead._

_"What else?" said the voice of his torturer._

_"I..." Loki kept his eyes clenched shut- even though he wore a blindfold -determined to get the words out. "I...I hurt people, I hurt... the mortals, and..." His knuckles were white as he balled his fists, trying to remember, trying to ignore the ache of his joints against his uncomfortable restraints. His arms were tied behind his back and the rope was fastened to the ceiling. He was bent over, knees touching the floor as well as his forehead. His ankles were tied together and fastened to the floor so he couldn't move. Loki gasped and felt fresh tears flowing when his mind began to shut down at the growing heat at his heel. He shook his head desperately, unable to find the right words. "Please... I can't remember, I'm too tired- Please stop-"_

_He screamed when the burning metal touched him again. He jerked against the ropes holding him up, trying in vain to move away from the agonizing onslaught._

_His torturer screamed at him, "And did your victims ask you to stop?! Or were they so beneath you, like_  ants _, that you didn't bother to even look at them or hear their pleas?"_

_The searing pain stopped, but Loki was panting, sobbing, the pain too much._ _"Please, I don't- I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." But it didn't matter how many times he had said it; it didn't make them stop._

_"If you are sorry, then," began the horrible man, "tell me what you have done. What is your crime, Odinson?"_

_Loki continued sobbing against the wet floor, trying to catch his breath and ignore the pain at the same time. He knew if he didn't answer correctly and completely, the torture would continue until he got it right. So, once again, he forced his mind to work. "Th-" he choked out, "Thor..."_

_"What about him?"_

_"Thor, I... I tried to kill him..." Loki grit his teeth and shut his eyes, the blindfold suddenly insufficient to keep the memories out, even if he needed them right now._

_"Yes, and?"_

_Sweat dripped all around him, he wanted to_ sleep _, to go away, but he didn't like the nightmares that haunted him; of Thor's frozen dead body beneath his fingers, of screams and blood. "I'm a traitor," he whispered out, tears wetting the blindfold further. Loki continued, suddenly lost in his memories through the haze of pain, "I'm a monster..."_

_There was a pause. Silent air filling the trickster god's mind with images of terrible deeds he wished to forget, but couldn't._

_Suddenly he was released, the rope overhead falling on his back as he collapsed to the floor. Next, his ankles, then his arms._

_Unable to walk back to his cell he was forced to crawl back on trembling hands and knees. He collapsed several times and his escort- a guard -kicked him to force him back up. The man's words didn't reach the mischief god's ears, so tired and lost in sorrow that he could barely_ breathe _much less heed words._

_When Loki finally, after what seemed like hours, reached his cell, the grating metal door closed behind him and he curled up in his usual corner. The darkness permeated every part of the cell, the dim torchlight from the corridor the only illumination- insufficient and flickering. He shook terribly and couldn't stop crying, suddenly so cold... too cold-_

_"Loki," said a voice._

_He jerked up, startled by the unexpected voice in his cell._

_"Loki," it said again, like words from the dead. The trickster stared at the corner opposite, where the voice had come from. "Loki are you there?" it whispered- but it was so far away... so far away. There was a breeze from nowhere, for there were no windows._

_Loki stared, wide-eyed, but he couldn't see anything in the dark except... except..._ Red, red, red, red, red...  _"Th-Thor?"_

_Silence._

_Silence._

_Silence..._ Red.

_"Loki."_

_The trickster ripped out his hair and screamed at the stillness, and the red, and that which wasn't there._

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Thor awoke to strange sounds; sounds of strained breathing and odd whimpering noises. When he opened his eyes he saw dark hair and stared for a moment in confusion.  _Loki_ , his mind registered next. He leaned on one elbow and moved his brother so he could see his face, then realized the noises were coming from Loki.

The trickster continued whimpering and breathing hard, but when Thor caught sight of blood dripping onto the bed from Loki's stitches he began to shake him awake.

"Loki! Brother, wake up!" he shouted.

Almost immediately the white eyes opened, wide and confused and frightened. Then he began to struggle, until Thor hugged him tightly and ran a hand through his hair soothingly. The smaller god calmed down after a moment, although clearly he remained distressed as his breathing barely slowed.

"You are all right, brother," Thor spoke with his lips against Loki's forehead. "You are all right... I'm here, I'm here." With the words spoken, he seemed to relax against Thor, his breathing slowly returning to normal. "Did you have a nightmare?" asked Thor, even though he knew his little brother couldn't answer.

He sat them both up and after looking at his clock realized it was almost time to wake up. Worried for Loki, he decided they had had enough sleep for the night.

Loki held to him tightly, once again not about to let him go.  _No matter,_  thought Thor.  _I suppose I should become accustomed to this._  He smiled a little and swung his legs over the side, hoping that today would be easier given that much of what they had to do yesterday had already been done- his brother no doubt still remembering what would now become ritual for them.

.

Since Loki had been sweaty from his nightmare, Thor decided to shower him again. Today, Bruce Banner would be returning and he wanted Loki to make a good impression- not that Banner  _needed_  a good impression, he was a very compassionate man, he would surely accept Loki after seeing what punishments he had already endured.

When Thor escorted Loki to the main kitchen-area, there sat Banner and Tony at the counter, the smell of coffee lingering in the air. Loki had clearly noticed earlier, as he had sniffed the air and dawned a face of curiosity and slight confusion.

Banner's first words upon seeing Loki were: "Wow." He said nothing further, although an obvious grimace was growing on his face.

Loki was as blank and staring as ever, although he seemed confused as to why they were doing nothing but standing. Perhaps he was expecting breakfast?

"Doctor Banner," Thor acknowledged with a nod of his head.

"Huh, yeah, oh hey, Thor," he said, still staring at the trickster god. "Sorry, I-I'm a little-" He suddenly stood up and walked a few steps away from the others, back turned. He ran a hand through his hair, then hung his head a little as he rested a hand on his mouth.

"Doc?" asked Tony, obviously worried. "You okay? Not gonna turn rage monster on us, are you?"

Banner shook his head, not turning around. "No, I'm okay. I just need a sec."

Tony turned back around with brows raised, then to Thor he whispered: "Yikes. Maybe I shouldn't have given him the nitty-gritty details, he gets all sensitive and stuff-"

"I can hear you, Tony," said Banner, back still to them.

The inventor perked his lips and continued, although not in a whisper, "But seriously, your brother's kind of like Tim Burton's worst nightmare. Or-" he dipped his head, "maybe more like his wet dream-  _Ow!_ " Bruce hit him on the back of the head. "Why does everyone keep doing that?!" Tony then looked back at the scientist, injury immediately forgotten. "Oh hey. When'd you get back?"

Banner gave a tight-lipped smile. "Just now. You two okay?" he asked the gods.

Thor nodded, Loki did nothing but hold on to Thor gingerly. "Are you well, Banner?" asked Thor.

"I'm fine," he answered, although he clearly still looked somewhat frazzled.

Tony eyed him, "You sure? You've still got some green around the eyes-"

"I'm  _fine_ , Tony," he said in a determined but not unfriendly voice. Both Thor and Tony nodded.

"So," began Stark, "this is the part where Loki touches you to find out who you are. It's fun! Sort of like charades for blind people-  _Ow!_ " Banner smacked him again. "Stop  _doing_ that-!"

"Then stop acting like a big jerk." Bruce stood straight, arms crossed in humor, eyebrow raised in challenge.

Tony squinted at him questioningly. "Hmm," he said. "Are you  _sure_ you're not about to go green? 'Cause I got a panic room just for when-"

"Stark," Banner said dryly. "What does this have to do with anything?"

He tweaked his jaw. "Right. Blind people chara-" he jerked back and stood up, obviously worried the scientist was about the hit him again, although Banner remained passive and stared at Tony, slightly amused. "Anyway," Tony straightened himself, "how're we gonna do it this time, blondie?"

Thor's eyebrows perked at being addressed, having been thoroughly entertained by his teammates' friendly bickering. "Ah, yes... I have not given it much thought. Have you any ideas, Stark?"

Stark rested a hand on his chin as he looked Banner up and down. The scientist crossed his arms and shifted his weight, annoyed at Tony's tactless scrutiny. While the inventor stared, Banner spoke, "Actually, you know Loki and I never really met..."

The thunder god nodded, "Yes, but perhaps he only need know that there is another in his presence, perhaps he does not need to know..."

The doctor raised a brow. "You mean, maybe he's better off not knowing the guy who beat him into the floor is anywhere near him, right?"

"I am sorry, I meant no offense-"

"No, no... it's fine, I just... Are you sure? What if he figures it out and he knows you lied to him? I'm no expert in relationships but Loki seems like he might need someone right now that he can trust completely. If not you, then who?"

Thor stared at the small unassuming scientist with an astonished expression he couldn't quite help. Before he said anything, Thor gave one long nod that was more of a bow. "You are wise beyond your years, my friend. And you are right; I do wish him to trust me. However," he hesitated, "I still do not know how he may recognize you..."

Banner walked toward them slowly. "Well, let's just see if he can tell by touching my face... or, my hair?" He shrugged and smiled a little. "It can't hurt."

Thor nodded as the scientist approached, and he once again lifted Loki's thin wrist up so he could feel the face in front of him.

This time Loki's look of confusion continued for some time. He felt of Banner's face first, then his shirt, then his folded arms. His hair was next, then his face again. The trickster tilted his head, as though unsure of who was before him.

"Oh wait," said Banner as he reached in his shirt's front pocket for his glasses. "Maybe this'll help."

After slowly ghosting his fingers across the edges of the glasses, Loki suddenly jumped back, then moved backwards on stumbling legs until he fell against the wall next to the entrance. Thor immediately ran to his side then wrapped both arms around him. "I am sorry, brother, I know you are frightened, but Banner will not harm you." As if he heard him, Loki shook his head desperately, eyes wide like saucers and small whimpering noises escaping. He reached up and held Thor around the neck, burying his face in his brother's shoulder. Thor addressed the doctor, "I am sorry, Banner, I did not expect him to react this harshly."

"No, actually," said Bruce quickly, approaching in a half-crouched position, "I-I understand. I'd run from me, too, if I got beat as badly as Loki did." He crouched down next to the two, obviously aware that Loki wouldn't know he was near.

Thor smiled a little at him but concentrated on his brother. "Loki," he said to the side of Loki's head. "Nothing will happen; I'm here. They are friends, they are here to help." He kissed the spot then began standing up slowly, bringing Loki with him. The trickster held tightly, trembling and breathing hard. Thor kept one arm around his waist and used the other to rub his back.

"Maybe you should take him back to your room," supplied Banner helpfully.

Tony yelled from the counter-side, arms up. "But they haven't eaten yet! I got more smoothies! I wanted to show Brucie the Glappy Face..."

That reminded Thor, "Where is Rogers?"

"Out," came Tony's unhelpful reply.

Banner gave the inventor a look, "He means he's been called back to SHIELD. Some kind of debriefing for a mission or something. Don't worry about it, I'm sure he'll be back soon."

Thor nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, these flashbacks/dreams of Loki's aren't in chronological order, and that trend will continue the rest of the story. Hopefully by the end you guys will get a more complete picture of what happened to him over the last couple of years.
> 
> I love you guys and I love your comments! X3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter than usual, hope you guys like it!

When Loki realized they were headed back to Thor's room, he immediately began to relax. He had by now memorized the route there and back, at least to the kitchen, which was down two corridors with one turn, but still relatively close. He still held tightly to Thor, but walked beside him so that the older god could at least walk properly.

The smell of the familiar room greeted him and Loki directed Thor and himself toward the bed, and the small reluctance made him imagine Thor's surprised face at his little brother's slight show of independence. He would have smirked if he were not still sore from his stitches being pulled during the night. He sat on the bed and was glad when Thor sat as well. He laid his head on the thunderer's shoulder, suddenly feeling foolish for running away from Bruce Banner like that. Certainly he had  _cause_  to be afraid, but Thor wouldn't allow him into his presence if there was any danger. Right? Of course. Thor would never let any harm come to him.

Loki felt words being mumbled into the side of his head again, a sign of comfort he always appreciated, even if he couldn't understand the words. It meant Thor still spoke to him and didn't treat him like some dumb animal- even if that's what he basically was.

After something like fifteen minutes of sitting, Loki began to feel both hunger and thirst gnawing at him. Leaning away from his brother, he patted his stomach and made a motion of drinking out of cup to signal what he wanted. Thor ran a hand through Loki's hair, then led him back out of the room, heading toward the kitchen.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"I told you about the face, didn't I? Such an awesome face. Would've put it on Facebook or something but he's too creepy looking. And... you know, the whole 'villain-who-tried-to-take-over-the-world' being back in town thing might freak some people out." Stark shrugged. "Bunch of prudes," he murmured.

The four were headed down to the medical wing of the building since Banner insisted on checking up on Loki's supposed injuries. Tony could see the  _obvious_  injuries, also known as  _his entire head_ , but he was also kind of curious to see what else might have happened to the trickster given that Thor seemed reluctant to talk about it in any detail. Either he didn't know, or he didn't want  _them_  to know. The former seemed more likely since the thunder god acquiesced pretty quickly when Bruce asked to check the younger god.

Honestly, Stark hadn't even considered that Loki might actually need  _medical attention_ , he just assumed he'd heal on his own. And although Thor had said he would, he also said that it would happen  _eventually_. What if he had been in pain this whole time but couldn't tell them? Naw, that didn't seem likely. Thor was constantly glued to his side like a Siamese twin, there was no way he wouldn't be able to tell if his little brother was still in pain- or so Tony hoped.

The glass doors of the medical wing slid open and the four walked in, just as Bruce led them to a bed to their right. The room was blindingly white, something that Tony found annoying, and even the equipment was mostly white, humming quietly in each corner.

"Okay," said Bruce, as he indicated the bed to Thor. The thunderer nodded and led Loki to feel the bed, then helped him to sit on it without issue. Loki frowned and brushed his hands across the bed's fabric, then felt of the plastic and metal fixtures attached to it. Thor stood close to him, his side touching Loki's right knee.

"You know," Tony spoke up, "I don't know about you guys, but I'm guessing Bambi here has no idea where he is or what the hell you're about to do to him."

Bruce gave Tony a look, "I'm not going to  _do_  anything to him, it's just a check up."

"Sure," said Stark. "Whatever you say."

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Thor was trying to get him to sit down on a bed, so Loki sat. It was an odd bed, cool and strange against his skin, the sheets smooth but obviously new. Other strange and solid materials were attached to the sides of the bed, unfamiliar to his fingers.

Loki wondered how many of the Avengers had followed them here or if any.

When unfamiliar hands suddenly touched the sides of his face he jerked back, leaning toward where Thor stood beside him. Who was that? He gripped Thor's forearm tightly and relaxed a little when he felt the thunderer's other hand stroking his hair. Whatever was happening, Thor approved.

So the trickster leaned away somewhat, although he was still wary of whoever else was in the room. A moment passed and the same hands were touching his face again, although very lightly. Then there was only one hand, and then a slight warmth on his face, near his eyes. The hand gently tilted his face this way and that, and the realization dawned on him: _they're checking my eyes._   _So_ , Loki wondered,  _does Thor truly believe that these Midgardians could possibly help me? Has he lost his mind?_  The humans' so-called 'medicine' was pathetically lacking compared to Asgard's healing spells, but he supposed it couldn't hurt- or would it? The last time Loki had been to Earth- before this most recent time -hundreds of years ago, the mortals' idea of healing was what many would call terrifying, barbaric. He had been more than glad that he would never have to endure their 'treatments', if they could even be called that. Even so, the humans were resourceful and advanced quickly, if nothing else, so hopefully their methods had matured somewhat.

Loki swallowed nervously.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"Doesn't look too happy, boys," said Stark, looking to Loki. Thor was beginning to wonder why Tony needed to be in here, anyway. Curiosity, perhaps? The mortal's curiosity almost matched Loki's at times. But still, this wasn't a show; if Loki had any injuries, Stark should respect that all the realms didn't need to see them.  _Although he_ has _been kind enough to allow us to stay here..._  Did they owe him something? Thor sighed internally. Perhaps they did. And anyway, Stark might be a bad liar, but he never gave sensitive information freely, he could not work for an organization like SHIELD if he couldn't  _sometimes_  hold his tongue. And he felt sorry for Loki, Thor knew. He also knew that his little brother would smack the pity out of each one of them if he only knew, but, alas, as the humans say, what he doesn't know cannot hurt him.

Banner was now speaking, instructing Thor to help his brother lay on a small surface that would retract into a large strange contraption. Thor eyed the device warily, as if his very gaze could keep his brother from harm. Stark was right, Loki didn't look very happy at Banner's prodding. Still, Loki would have struggled more if he thought he were in any danger, so no doubt he at least understood  _some_  of what was happening.

"He'll be fine," said the doctor. "It won't hurt him."

Thor stroked the side of his brother's face and backed away as the device came to life and Loki disappeared into it, the bottoms of his bare feet visible. A moment later a small whimper could be heard from inside, and Thor had to literally restrain himself from taking action, from tearing the noisy device to pieces to get to his brother. But one look at Bruce, at the look of reassurance that said, 'He'll be okay, don't worry,' and the thunder god relaxed.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

When Loki felt the movement of whatever he was laying on, and the vibrations reverberating through his body, he began to worry. He had been strapped down- presumably for his protection or some such nonsense -and he was beginning to feel trapped.  _Don't move, Thor is here, he's_ \- But where was he? Loki couldn't reach for him, couldn't  _move_.  _Don't worry, he's nearby, he'll never leave you, don't worry, don't move._  But he felt vulnerable, exposed. His clothes-  _Thor's_  clothes -had been removed and he felt naked in the small strange-feeling slip of cloth that Thor had put on him.

He felt a whimper escape.  _Shut up, you fool!_ He knew at least Banner was with them, since, at least from what he could remember, he was the only Avenger who had any medical knowledge- or perhaps they had asked another to perform these tests? No, it didn't seem likely. The Avengers Thor trusted, but no doubt his big brother wouldn't trust other mortals with the knowledge that Loki was back on Midgard. That Fury man would most likely jump at the chance of imprisoning him- but why hadn't he? Why had the Avengers kept quiet, or were they still planning on giving him to SHIELD? And where were Barton and Romanoff? So far, Thor had, apparently, asked the others to allow Loki to know of their presence, or did the two assassins prefer to remain in the shadows? To not allow their enemy knowledge that they were even in his presence?

The next thing Loki felt was Thor's hand on his head, carding through his hair. He flinched at the sudden touch, but breathed out a sigh when he realized whatever had been happening was now over. At least his thoughts had distracted him long enough to endure the test- whatever it was. He was free to move again, the oddly gentle restraints removed. He grabbed onto his brother, hoping it was over.

But, of course not. At least an hour, if not longer, past while Loki endured several odd tests, most of which he didn't understand, and some that frightened him.

Right now he was sitting on something, legs dangling, cool air on his back. He didn't like it, wanted to get up, for it to be done. Thor stayed by his side for almost all of it, and he was grateful, his presence the only thing anchoring him. But what was the purpose of all of this? Were they checking to make certain he was not a threat? Surely they could see that he was incapacitated, that he was without sight, hearing, or his words? Did they still fear him so? Did they think he might recover and decide to attack them?  _No, won't hurt them._  Did they think, even now, he might be capable of-  _Won't happen- Can't won't no hurting others, don't fight back, no hurting others no hurting Thor- no no hurt- Thor- No!_

Loki jerked up suddenly, away from the unfamiliar table beneath him. He felt around for Thor frantically and when he felt the strong arms wrap around him he clung to the other with everything he had, a hand on the back of his head reassuring him more.

 _I won't do anything anymore!_ Loki faced where he knew Thor's face would be.  _I can't- won't- it's not me not me. I won't hurt them can't hurt them- don't leave me..._

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"Wow," said Banner for the hundredth time, it seemed. Thor watched Loki carefully as he sat still on the bed, back open to the air, mind obviously wandering as he was examined by the doctor. Banner had said clearly that he was not a  _medical_  doctor- or at least not technically -but that he did have quite a bit of experience with healing others, even if not formally... or legally, Stark had added. The thunderer couldn't help but back away as the current examination had begun, and Loki didn't seem to notice.

"What's it now?" asked Stark lazily from where he sat some ways away, legs propped up on some equipment that Banner had scolded him for placing his feet on. 'I'll buy another one' the man of iron had said.

"Nothing," said Banner, "just... he's really scarred up."

"Okay," said Stark flatly, looking to Loki and Bruce.

"Don't tell me you didn't notice, Tony, there's a few on his legs."

Stark dropped his feet off the instruments unceremoniously but remained seated, looking in their direction. "Yeah, well. I mean, they're like a million years old or something," he waved a hand at the two brothers. "Battle scars, you know?"

Thor shook his head, "I have very few scars, Stark. It is very difficult to wound our kind severely enough to..." he couldn't say it. To scar Loki so much... What would it take? Most of the few scars that Thor had he had gained from his brief visit to Earth as a mortal when he was banished- and even those were small and barely above notice.

He sighed and covered his mouth with a hand. Thor had been trying his best to ignore Loki's scars- when he helped him bathe and change clothes, but now... With it out in the open, in the bright lights, with his friends bearing witness, it was difficult to insist that they didn't exist. He didn't wish to  _acknowledge_  them because then he might see, might see what Loki had been through, might have to live it with him, one scar at a time.

The three stared at the trickster god's back, strips of white scars crisscrossing in lines like webs. Although not as severely, the rest of him hadn't fared much better.

Thor stared. He wanted to tear his gaze away, look away.  _W_ _ho has done this?!_  Look away, look away.  _They'll pay!_  But hadn't they already? Or had he left before he had gotten them all...

Stark strode closer.

"Holy mother of-"

"Tony. Just..." but Bruce trailed off with a faint sigh.

Thor's eyes then fell on several oddly gathered scars at the small of Loki's back; they seemed to form some sort of pattern. The other two followed his eyes.

"What's that?" asked Stark, pointing but not touching.

Thor felt his blood filling his head, his anger rising quickly. He looked away for a moment, then turned back, gritted his teeth and said, "A name."

"What?" said Banner, but Thor didn't answer.

 _A name? A name?!_  Someone had... had carved his name into Loki's back. And given its position and clumsy script it had no ceremonial purpose or... any purpose at all. The two humans watched him, Banner even took a step back, crossing his arms over his chest protectively.

"Uh, look, buddy," said Stark warily. "I, uh..." He looked to Banner, then back at Thor, hands rising as if to stave off the god's rising anger with just his two limbs.

Thor felt the air crackling.  _C_ _ontrol yourself._  But he  _couldn't_.  _How can I?_ Someone had carved his name into Loki's back  _for fun._  And with an instrument powerful enough to scar him.

Thunder shook the building, and when Loki suddenly jerked and nearly flew off the table, Thor was immediately by his side, anger forgotten at the trickster's fearful face.

"Oh, Loki," said Thor, as he hugged him tight with both arms, then put a hand on the back of his head.  _Did he hear the thunder?_  Thor wondered. No, not possible. But maybe he felt the vibrations.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"This is seriously effed up," said Stark as he and Banner entered the living room without the two brothers. Thor had taken Loki back to their room and Stark was glad of it. They sat on couches opposite and they both stared at nothing for a while.

"Yeah," sighed Bruce finally, rubbing a hand across his face. "Actually, ah..."

Tony eyed him. "'Ah' what? Spit it out, green bean."

Bruce narrowed his eyes at the nickname as if to say, 'Really?' But he shook it away and stared out the window. "I, um, didn't really tell Thor everything."

"Hm? Why not?"

He looked back to Tony. "Are you serious? Did you see how he reacted to that... uh, to that name?"

Tony shrugged, "Can't say I blame him. And hey, is it just me or are gods messed up people?" Bruce nodded with a perked eyebrow. "So watcha got, Bruce?"

Just then, Rogers walked in with a tablet in his hand. "Hey guys, how did it go?"

 _What the hell_ , Tony thought. "Is that seriously a piece of  _modern_ technology in your hands, Capsicle?"

"Not good, huh?" said the soldier, mostly to Bruce.

"What makes you say that?" asked Bruce.

The captain shrugged with one shoulder and a glance upward. "Thunder."

Banner pursed his lips and nodded once. "Right."

Tony shook his head and watched in amazement as Steve shut off his tablet and sat down next to him. "Did you really learn how to use that all by your little self?"

Steve rolled his eyes. "So what happened?" he asked Bruce. "Is Loki okay?"

"Actually," Tony leaned forward, "apparently some seriously messed up guy decided to autograph our resident trickster god with a permanent marker on his back."

The captain furrowed his brow.

"Scars," answered Bruce with a sigh. "He means somebody, uh, sort of... carved his name on him... his..."

Steve's eyebrows hit his hairline. "Tony!" he exclaimed and looked to the inventor.

"What're you yelling at me for?  _I_  didn't do it!" Tony yelled back.

"That wasn't  _necessary_. Do you really think Loki would be okay with  _everyone_  knowing that? I asked if he was  _okay_ , I don't need gossip."

"It's not gossip, it's facts!"

"It's  _private_ , Tony."

Bruce said nothing, eyes drifting between the two. Stark sat back, sighing through his nose. "Fine. Whatever. Not like he even knew it or anything, but anyway, Brucie, what were you saying? Full report?"

The good doctor raised a brow and gave him a look that said, 'Do you  _want_  the other guy to come out?'

"Ugh," groaned Tony. " _Fine._  Again. Far be it for me to show some concern for my guests."

"You're just curious, Tony," said Steve, not completely angrily. Then the captain lowered his head. "And so am I." Stark perked up and lifted a finger. "But  _not_ ," Steve cut him off, "enough to pry into his private business. Unless it's life-threatening, I don't think we need to know." Tony slouched back.

"Fine," Tony said again, stretching out his arms. It was becoming his new favorite word, apparently.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

To Thor's relief Bruce had confirmed what he had been hoping: that Loki was more or less returning to health. It was strange to think so, given his appearance, but his body was slowly returning to normal. Banner, who knew little about Aesir or Jotun physiology, couldn't quite comprehend how Loki could possibly heal from seemingly permanent blindness or deafness, but he trusted Thor's word that both would eventually heal on their own- even if it would take some time.

As soon as they were back in Thor's room Loki seemed to calm down considerably. On the one hand, Thor was happy that there was some place that his brother could feel safe, on the other, it also meant that anytime he was afraid they would have to retreat here, and stay until he was comfortable. And even  _then_  Loki appeared content to remain here for hours on end.  _Oh my dear brother_ , thought Thor,  _what has been done to you?_

Loki had never been fond of staying in one place. He could often be found sitting in the library or his room, reading and studying his spells, but he rarely remained there for very long. Even though Loki was not fond of physically sparring or training, he clearly enjoyed going on quests with Thor and their friends whenever the opportunity presented itself. Loki would also disappear for weeks, traveling to various realms and bringing back wonderful gifts for everyone. He traveled enough that many in the realms began to call him the Sky-walker, one of the few names that Loki himself approved.

But now... what had happened to him that would change him so much? Thor was no fool, the place Loki had been sent to was meant for more than just punishment, otherwise why not keep him in Asgard? The dungeons were sufficiently equipped for any number of punishments, why had the All-father sent him  _there_? Such a cruel place...

Thor shook his head, not wanting to remember, especially with Loki by his side, leaning against him contentedly. He knew his brother couldn't read his mind, but the thoughts felt too poignant, too distressing, and the superstitious part of his mind didn't want to ruin their peace with a few stray dark thoughts.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

_The wood splinters from the old table dug into his chest, which was wet and sticky from the blood trickling down from his back. His arms were pulled toward the floor perpendicular to his body, fastened there to the bottom of the table's front legs with chains digging into his wrists. His ankles, too, were chained, but to the table, instead- mercifully._

_The next cut from the knife was slow, beginning from his right shoulder blade. Loki gasped and tried to remain quiet, but he_ couldn't _. His breath shook and he whimpered as the blade cut down his back with a deliberately slow motion, ending at his lower back._

 _Tears mingled with the sweat that poured down his face. This room was always so hot,_ too  _hot. What he would give for a breath of fresh air, for a single gust of wind? It was always so stifling in here, smelling of sweat and old blood and death and everything that Loki hated, feared. Hot coals burned nearby; a reminder of what might come next- or perhaps not. They never told him what was to come, always kept in the dark, no knowledge to aid him. His torturers kept no schedules, no obvious patterns to show him the way._

 _Loki cried out when another cut began near the previous one, and when it passed over the wound, Loki jerked and screamed, which only made it worse. He_ knew _not to move, but the pain was too much, he couldn't_ not _move, to try and get away, his instincts driving him._

" _Please!" he felt the word burst out. He had managed to remain silent until now, but what was the purpose of his silence? He couldn't even remember now. The heat poured down his face and his back, burning him inside, outside, everywhere and everything and_ where am I, what is this? _Why wouldn't they say anything? Ever? Even one word? "Please," he said again, "what do you want?!" The words were gasped out, desperate and useless. This was his punishment, he knew, but why couldn't they even acknowledge him with a single word? Always so silent, as Loki was always so loud._

 _His two tormentors said nothing,_ continued _saying nothing. Were they even the same two from before? Loki couldn't see them, and even if he could, they all always wore hoods- black hoods without holes to see through. All of them of the same body-type._

_The stinging pain of the knife dug into his lower back now, small cuts, but still deep. He heard the man chuckle. He didn't know why. Tears fell down his face, or was it sweat?_

_Loki had been here for only a few months, he guessed, but already he was breaking down. He didn't want to stay here, didn't want to endure his punishment... and for how long? Why did they have to be so creative? Why would his fath- would Odin choose so many different punishments? He never had in the past; always one type of punishment per offense. Or had Loki's numerous crimes called for numerous punishments?_

_He felt more tears falling. This would go on forever then... Did Odin truly have an army of torturers, could this go on for eternity? Would Loki die in this horrible place? Never seeing his mother again, his broth- No. No, they weren't his family, not anymore- not_ ever _. They were nothing to him, nothing, noth-_

_Loki screamed when the knife was suddenly stabbed into his left thigh. It was then dragged downward, cutting a long line of red as Loki screamed and screamed into the wood._

_Please, stop..._

_But they didn't stop until Loki could barely remember his own name._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've been thinking it would be an interesting test to try adding ideas from readers' suggestions. If you guys have something you'd like to see happen in this story then feel free to pitch the idea in a comment or whatever. Anything from the entire plot to small things, ie like when Loki was just exploring Thor's room- it was small but people seemed to like it. I'll give credit, of course, but I might tweak the idea to fit the story, etc. I may use lots of you guys' ideas or I may use none, lol. It just depends.


	7. Chapter 7

Today was the day Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton would return.

The morning seemed less bright than usual to Thor, but he suspected his own mood was coloring his opinion of it. It had been five days since coming to Midgard, and Thor was certain Loki barely slept, if at all, each night. And when he did, his little brother awoke screaming- as best he could scream -blood trickling down his chin. Thor had changed the sheets twice already.

Loki's blank eyes, however, gave no overt sign of weariness, they appeared much the same as when they first arrived- was that because he had always been suffering, and there had been no change? Or perhaps he truly _had_  been sleeping, at least enough for him. He hoped for the second.

Breakfast had been quiet. Thor couldn't determine if the quietness was because Loki's lips were still a little bloody and the others had noticed, because they were as nervous as he about the two agents' return, or if something else had come over his friends. Loki was the same, as obviously he had no way of knowing what was to come. Thor both pitied and envied his ignorance, then felt ashamed of both the next moment.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

After breakfast Loki was led back to Thor's room. He certainly  _liked_  being in Thor's room, but he was hoping to explore the tower a little today, if he could somehow convey that wish to his brother. He knew the tower was quite tall, and that exploring it would take some time. There was very little that could entertain him, after all.

But here they were and Thor was  _pacing_. It was odd, Thor pacing- he almost  _never_  paced. Even when they were younger Thor always met things that would make most youths nervous with eager, but decidedly  _not_ nervous, actions. The young Thor once broke mother's favorite vase with a simple flick of his arm during one of his enthusiastic waits, but he  _had not_  been pacing. Thor doesn't pace,  _why is he pacing?_

Loki sat on the foot of the bed beside where the thunderer paced, his own nervousness growing as he felt Thor pass by him again and again, his knees grazing the passing figure. A sudden impulse came over him that he simply _could not_  control. He subtly flicked out a single foot, which caught on his older brother's leg, and Loki felt Thor's legs flail as the floor shook a little with a no doubt ungraceful thud.

A small smirk crossed his lips, even at the expense of feeling the pain in them, but it quickly disappeared when he felt a gush of wind near him. His instincts flared up immediately and he shrunk back against the bed, but his own legs were still somewhat tangled and he ended up falling to the floor on his backside. His body stiffened and he raised his arms protectively, although he wasn't certain why he was doing it.

Then there was a strong hand on his shoulder, squeezing tightly, but not hurting. It patted him there and squeezed again and he felt another small gust of wind as Thor sat next to him on the carpet, and Loki confirmed it when he reached out and felt for his brother's arm.

The next thing that came over Loki he tried his best not to do, but it was filling up his chest and he knew  _not_  trying to do it would make it rise even more.  _Don't!_  he ordered himself, but it was too late.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Thor absolutely could not believe that he was this nervous.  _Why am I nervous?_  Both Barton and Natasha were his friends, he had fought many battles with them, seen both of them drunk, saved both of their lives, even been angry with them- and they angry with him -and if all of that didn't make them friends, what did?

Even so, this wasn't about  _him_ , was it? It was about his brother, about  _Loki_ , who sat next to him quietly-  _of course quietly, you idiot_ , which was no doubt Loki's voice manifesting in his head. He passed by the trickster again, knees nearly touching.

Barton, more than any of them, had been wronged by Loki; and Romanoff was more his friend than any of the others- what hurt him hurt her as well. If the archer had issue with Loki, then so did she, there was no question about it. They were loyal to the Avengers but their bond with each other was stronger.  _Like Loki and I_ , Thor thought absently as he passed by Loki again.

Could his brother somehow apologize to them? But the real question: would he want to?  _Did_  he feel remorse for all he had done? Loki had made his feelings on mortals clear the last time he was here, comparing them to ants and forcing them to kneel before him. Thor hardened his gaze as he continued pacing,  _like a villain wearing my brother's skin, how can-_

Thor's legs suddenly tripped on something and he barely caught himself on one arm before his face felt the carpet. On instinct Thor growled and jerked to his feet, rushing to the source of his distress- but there was only Loki, who cowered back and suddenly fell off the bed in a heap.

The look on the younger's face erased his thoughts in less than a second. Thor huffed and smiled and crouched down next to him, then leaned passed Loki's raised arms to clutch his shoulder good-naturedly.

 _Oh my brother,_  Thor smiled wider,  _oh my dear, trickster brother!_  Loki's hand landed on Thor's arm. He couldn't help it, everything in him felt about to burst, and before he knew it Thor felt his laugh escape in a loud cough, then continue in a full-blown laugh. And to his great surprise, Loki's eyes crinkled with laughter as the mischief god's face scrunched up in his obvious effort to contain his laugh. Even so, Loki's chest moved up and down in laughter, and short breaths moved in and out of his nose. Thor laughed even louder, watching his brother- he laughed for both of them,  _needed_  to laugh for them. He soon felt tears falling down his cheeks as he continued laughing, as Loki bent over and cringed when he pulled his stitches, although he still didn't stop chuckling through the tight strings.

Thor's stomach hurt, and by the way Loki's hand was on his own, he too felt the pain of laughter there. The two brothers continued until they were both crying- or at least Thor imagined Loki would be if he could, until there was a knock on the door.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

The two brothers entered the living room quicker than Natasha was expecting. Steve and, unfortunately, Tony had explained what had happened to the god, as Bruce was busy today with something in the lab. Truthfully, she couldn't care less about any of it, all she cared about right now was Clint. She had no doubt that Loki was in bad shape, but that didn't excuse what he had done, nor did it mean they had to treat him like he was suddenly one of them.

Still, at the sight of the trickster god, clinging to his brother, mouth stitched and eyes milky-white, she couldn't help the pang of compassion that stirred in her.  _No_ , she thought,  _he's the enemy, and Clint..._ She internally sighed. Whatever Clint needed, she would provide. Whatever he said, however he felt, she would stand by him. Loki had hurt Clint the most, out of all of them, he had a right to retribution, no matter what the rest of them said.

"Lady Natasha," Thor greeted, almost meekly- well that was... wrong. Meek was not a word that should be anywhere  _near_  the thunder god. Then, "Barton," he said next, nodding once, as if in respect.

Natasha nodded back to him, feeling awkward greeting their friend in so formal a manner, but it was as if it wasn't  _Thor_  greeting them, as if it was on someone else's behalf; one guess as to who that was.

Clint scoffed and Natasha looked to him. The archer's eyes looked everywhere but at the two brothers, hands clenching at his sides, then his arms crossed over his chest, then they were at his side again. He said nothing.

Suddenly she was glad that Steve had asked Tony to leave the room. Well,  _kicked out_  was more like it, even if the billionaire had declared he had better things to do than 'watch the drama', which of course was ridiculous; he loves drama.

"Thor," said Steve, stepping forward, nervousness clear on his handsome face. "We, uh... Natasha?" he turned to her next, almost as if he were  _asking_  what should be done. That wasn't surprising; when it came to Clint and  _Loki_ , not a single one of the Avengers could deal with him- no one except her.

 _Fine_ , she stepped up, figuratively, at least. "Well," she said, "this is an unexpected surprise." It wasn't a surprise, they already knew most of what there was to know.

The blonde head of an oddly nervous god nodded once. "Yes. It fills me with joy to see the two of you returned safely," he said, and the words didn't sound right in his mouth, like he was trying to force them out.

 _Just get it over with, Natasha, just say it._  She nodded. Clint did nothing,  _stared_  at nothing, still averting his gaze from everything important. She thought he had moved a little closer to her, but surely it was just her imagination.

"Thank you," she said cordially, a quirk of her lips the only evidence of possible honesty. "Do you really think he's changed, even after all that?" she said suddenly, and it was- so  _suddenly_ , because she couldn't believe that she had just said that to a friend. But right now, only  _he_  mattered, the man standing next to her, and she couldn't help the bite that was sneaking into her thoughts and out her lips.

Thor frowned but kept his composure. "He is not a threat, Natasha; I would not allow him here were he still-"

"That's not what I asked," she interrupted. Her eyes were cold; she couldn't help it. Clint's form straightened up at her side but was still, so still.

Two heads lowered, both blonde, a god and a soldier. "I..." began Thor. Natasha could almost _see_  how he gathered his thoughts- always such an open book. "I cannot..." He stopped, thoughts moving on his face, saying everything before his voice even rang out. "I cannot... know..." And the sheepish look the thunder god gave, head tilted down, was so uncharacteristic she had to actively  _try_  to keep the gentle smile from crossing her face.

"I see," was all she said. She wanted nothing more than for Clint to jump in, to  _say something_ , but she would never want him to force anything out, to bring out  _those memories_. She would be his shield, if he wanted, just as he would be to her when she needed.

A chill ran through her when, abruptly, Loki turned in the general direction of Thor and made a small muffled sound, as if in question. The chill wasn't because of  _him_ , but because Clint flinched, literally  _flinched_ , next to her. The movement was small, and perhaps not noticeable to the others, but it was like a loud bell going off in Natasha's ear and she wanted nothing more than to silence it.

"Loki," Thor said, hand moving to cup his brother's cheek. "It will not be much longer." The normally boisterous thunder god's soft voice grated on Natasha's nerves and she wanted to tell him to yell, scream, be  _loud_  as he always had. This gentleness wasn't unwelcome, but it just wasn't  _him_ , it wasn't Thor, and the added knowledge that this new element, this new  _situation_ , would interrupt and throw their lives into chaos... She gritted her teeth behind her lips and watched the brothers, uncertain of what to even say or do, which was rarer than she realized.

Barton scoffed again, half-turning away, as if he didn't want to be so exposed to whatever was taking place in front of him, this  _strangeness_  clearly getting to him as well. It was a comfort, to know he was there, just like her, confused and incredulous and even  _angry_  that this was thrust upon them. Because how could they say no?

"Clint," she heard Steve say, although for once she couldn't imagine what he might possibly say next.

"What?" said Clint, although his words were directed at the brothers. "Isn't there something  _else_  you guys should be doing now?" he asked bitterly, eyes suddenly so hard and staring. "Or is 'greet the Avenger of the day' a new game with you, hm, Loki?"

Natasha gritted her teeth harder, finding her words- her precious words, that usually got her out of things -abandoning her. She wasn't even sure what Clint was saying, but it dawned on her that he just wanted to say _something_ , maybe  _anything_.

"Barton-" began Thor, but Clint cut him off.

"No, Thor, I was talking to your  _brother_ -"

"Clint." Steve now. Voice hard.

" _What?!_ " the archer nearly screamed.

Silence. The air was too heavy and yet too thin. Natasha saw Thor's Adam's apple bob as he stared at nothing.

Steve finally broke the silence. "Clint," he said quietly, "Loki can't hear you."

And it was obvious, so  _obvious_  that Clint hadn't known, that he hadn't been  _listening_  when Tony and Steve had explained the situation. Clint had been standoff-ish, fidgeting- or at least to Natasha's trained eye -and he hadn't  _truly_  been listening. She suspected he probably stopped hearing them after 'Loki is here...'

Natasha's eyes flicked to her partner's, who looked about to say the word 'What' but couldn't get it out. And now he was  _staring_ , eyes wide.  _She_  knew why, what that meant to him- why it would mean  _anything_  to him. And when he bolted for the door Natasha didn't stop him, didn't call out to him. She only followed him.

.

When Clint entered his room Natasha was barely a step behind. "Clint," she said carefully, waiting for him to respond,  _if_ he wanted to. She was here, and she knew that might not be enough for him, but  _she was here_.

"Tasha," he said, pacing, hands running through his hair. He smiled suddenly, mirthless, dark. A chuckle escaped to match as his eyes met hers. "This is... this is crazy, I don't-" He shut his eyes tight and looked down.

He didn't need to say it, never needed to. She knew him too well. She knew that he had always struggled with his hearing, always trying to hide it, make up for it, make it  _go away_ , but he couldn't. If Loki was blind and mute, so be it, it didn't  _matter_  because he was the enemy and how could he even  _think_  about identifying with that? But this... She knew it wasn't that Loki was deaf, it was just the last straw, the final brick that weighed everything down too heavily, it's precarious balance on top of the already crumbling building that made everything  _break_ , so suddenly and without warning.

She wanted to say his name, make him hear her, but it was pointless. Words weren't going to work here- at least not from her. She remained an arms-length away, ready for him, if he needed.  _Only if he needs._

"I can't... I can't handle this, I don't think I can take this," he said quickly, but his voice was low, strained. He turned to the wide window, hands on his hips, head hanging. A sigh left his lips.

She nodded, even though he couldn't see her. She walked up behind him, then, against her wish to hold her friend, she only stood there, beside him, arms hanging at her sides.

She didn't smile at him, she only looked- at those glassy eyes and slightly furrowed brow.

 _Yes_ , she thought,  _he needs me, and I'll be there for him..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who might have been confused about Clint's reaction there at the end, in the comic books Clint is deaf and uses hearing aids. Not sure if this is true of MCU Hawkeye, but it was interesting to me so I added it. ;)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sorta feel like I'm rushing this chapter, but I figured if my perfectionism kicks in I can fix it later. ;D

It hadn't gone as well as Thor had hoped. In fact, it hadn't gone well at all. Loki  _still_  didn't know the two assassins were in the building and Thor couldn't help but feel like he was keeping a secret that Loki needed to know.

At the moment, he and his brother were wandering the halls, as Loki felt of the innumerable and varied things in the tower. After lunch, which was much easier for Loki now that Tony had put a 'mini-fridge' in their room, Loki had, with considerable effort, indicated to Thor that he wished to look around. Well, actually Thor hadn't realized it at all and, oddly enough, it was  _Jarvis_  that had figured it out. Loki had pulled and pushed him out the door, then began touching things in the corridor outside- to which Thor was utterly confused. The AI had chimed in suddenly, suggesting what the younger god might be trying to say.

Afterward, Thor couldn't help but feel slight jealousy, that an  _artificial intelligence_ had figured his brother out where he could not. It was ridiculous, of course, he knew Jarvis was very intelligent- hence the title -but Loki was  _his_ brother.  _Should I not know my own brother better than some machine of Stark's?_

While wandering one of the floors below theirs, Loki began to stray a little further from Thor. It didn't concern the thunder god since there was no one in the corridors and, even if there were, there was no one hostile in the tower. Thor himself moved around, touching things- paintings and plants and other various and, sadly, uninteresting items -and was barely paying any attention to his brother.

Suddenly, a muffled yelp and a sound of a door opening reached Thor's ears, and then a curse from someone near Loki's previous location. Not seeing his brother, Thor dashed to where he knew Loki had been, only to see him falling backward- almost as if thrown -out of a room that he had somehow entered.

"What the hell?!" yelled the familiar voice of a man.

Loki was making repeated sounds of distress through his nose as he scrambled away on the floor, then hit his head against the corridor opposite the door. Another yelp and whimpers of panic escaped his closed lips as he reached out his arms- reminiscent of a child awaiting a parent -waiting for Thor. Immediately, the thunder god was at his side, pulling him into a comforting embrace and talking against the side of the trembling god's head, just as he always did when Loki was fearful.

Another curse from behind Thor's back. "I, uh... sorry, I guess," said Agent Barton's suddenly quiet voice. Thor looked to him, but not with anger, knowing that the archer had no doubt opened the door, only to find Loki outside.

Still, Thor wanted to know. "What happened?" he asked, standing up with his brother still clinging to his neck.

Barton shifted his weight, crossing his arms, then uncrossing them. "I, um, not sure. I just opened the door and he..." a hand waved in Loki's direction, "fell in."

Thor nodded. "Apologies, I should have been watching him closer; it will not happen again."

Natasha Romanoff walked up beside her partner. "You okay?" It wasn't clear who she was asking, but the archer answered with an 'I'm fine' as he walked back into the room. The lady, however, walked into the corridor with the brothers. "Is _he_  okay?" she asked next, face betraying nothing, not even true concern, if she felt it.

Thor nodded, but it was more a reflex than anything. There was no real way to know how 'okay' Loki could be.

The spy crossed her arms, but more out of contemplation than defensiveness or anger. "I guess he has no idea what's happening," she said, looking at Thor, then Loki. The corner of her lip curved up in an almost smile as she shrugged. "Tony told us they had to let Loki touch them for him to know they were there- would you like me to try that with him?" she offered suddenly, and Thor was taken aback by her willingness to help an enemy.  _Well, perhaps it is not for Loki, but for me._

"If it is not an inconvenience..." Thor began.

"Oh, no, it's fine," she said, but her mask had returned and Thor had only her words to tell him what she felt; and like Loki, Natasha's words betrayed only what she wished. She took a step forward, hands lowered to her sides.

The thunder god hesitated, trying to pry his brother off enough to get him to face the agent, at least. After some muffled protests and quick kisses on the smaller god's head, Loki was finally facing forward, even if he still clung to Thor with an iron grip. His white eyes were wide- probably a habit since there was no need -and he whimpered and tried to pull back when Thor tried to raise his arm.

Thor sighed but Natasha spoke, "Is it possible he already knows?" He looked to her, confused. "I mean, he practically fell on Clint, could he have figured out who else was here with just that?"

It wasn't  _impossible_ , Thor assumed, but it might be better to be certain. "Perhaps, but we should still..." he trailed off and Natasha nodded.

Gripping the thin wrist-  _you are still so thin, brother_  -Thor guided the hand forward, but suddenly wondered  _how_  he would know it was her.

"My hair," offered Natasha, touching the red locks briefly.

"Of course," said Thor, knowing that Loki would have guessed that the only people he had so far been introduced to were Avengers, and Natasha was the only Avenger- other than Thor -who had long hair.

The long fingers, slightly shaking, moved forward, then tentatively touched the hair as the spy remained perfectly still. And when his fingers- which Thor knew were cold -moved to her face, feeling there with light brushes, Natasha  _still_  did not move, face blank and watching the trickster. What emotion lay there? Thor could never guess in a thousand years.

As if her face had suddenly caught fire, Loki jerked away, almost hitting the back wall. His face frowned fiercely and he looked to Thor, as if he could see the thunder god even through his damaged eyes, a long whine passing his closed lips. Clearly he was  _asking_  for something, his distress mounting. Still, it was different, somehow, than with the others. Loki wasn't just  _fearful_ , he looked... Thor wasn't sure  _what_  the emotion was.

"I think he's asking you to protect him," stated the assassin, cutting through Thor's thoughts.

"What?" he blurted out as he held Loki up.

"He's asking you to  _continue_  protecting him; from us, I think. Me and Clint." Now his gaze shifted to the woman, whose face remained blank, but her eyes watched the god in Thor's arms intently.

"Why would he?" Thor said, confused. "He knows I will protect him, why would he ask this of me?"

"He knows we're friends and that he's just the enemy here- at least to the rest of us. And how can you be sure he knows that? Have you been able to tell him?"

Thor frowned. He, in fact,  _hadn't_  considered that. He knew that Loki was clueless as to what happened around him, but it never occurred to Thor that he might doubt his love, his devotion, his  _vow_  to protect him. "I..." started Thor, mouth agape, but he couldn't finish his sentence since he had to-  _had to_  crush his brother in his embrace, had to  _make_  Loki see.  _He must see, he must see... I will never leave him, abandon him. I will always protect him. How can he not see?_

He kissed the bridge of the other's nose and held him against his chest, mouth on his temple. "I will never  _stop_  protecting you, brother. Never... never, never, never..." He repeated it as a mantra, certain that if he said it enough times, his little brother would somehow hear it,  _know_  it. He had to. He just had to.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

_Loki laughed. It wasn't a laugh that said, 'You're quite humorous' but rather 'You're quite pathetic'. The god of mischief and lies had been moved... somewhere. He was no longer in Asgard, or so he assumed, given that they had passed through a portal to get here. The air was dry, quite irritating against his skin, and his cell small. Smaller than the one on Asgard, at least. Did they think to punish him with a smaller cell? Surely they needed a lesson in how to punish others._

_They had said nothing, his new keepers, and they all wore masks. Well, more like hoods, black hoods without eye-holes that were no doubt meant to frighten him._ What do they take me for?  _He had chuckled at their ridiculous visage, insufficient to frighten a child._

 _And now, here they were, trying to_ torture _him, or so Loki assumed._ They need a lesson in that, as well, _he thought. It was a simple beating, nothing more. He was tied to a rickety wooden chair in the center of the room._

 _It wasn't that it didn't hurt, but Loki had survived far worse and by people far scarier- not that_ these _were even remotely frightening._

_The beatings had started a few days ago and they had returned Loki to his cell without a single word to him after a few hours of the 'torture'. It was strange, that they didn't ask him anything, or even say anything to each other, but it wasn't anything Loki couldn't handle. He just assumed this was meant to be a part of his punishment and that the men were too dumb to even speak._

Brutes, the lot of them.

 _But after two weeks of the same torture, Loki was becoming tired of it. "Is there nothing_ else _you can try?" he asked mockingly. "A flogging, perhaps? The rack? Drowning? Anything? Have you_ no _creativity at all, good man?" He wasn't certain just_ who _he was addressing, perhaps all three of them. "I'm getting_ bored _," said Loki in the driest voice he could manage._

 _Alright. So he wasn't truly_ bored _, but he couldn't very well allow them to think any of this was_ getting _to him- because it wasn't._

_A fist flew at him and his head flung to the side. "Ow," the trickster said, tweaking his sore jaw, wishing his hands were free so he could massage it._

_He sighed and laughed again. Then laughed and laughed as the assault continued. This was nothing to him, nothing at all. Compared to these pathetic men Loki was a_ master _torturer- and even_ he _knew barely anything about how to do it properly._

 _To his surprise the men's tune_ did _change, and on the next day. They flogged him until he bled, then returned him to his cell at night; or what Loki assumed was night. This went on for a week._ This is... nothing _. Nothing at all. Nothing._

 _The next week they did something different again. And this... Loki did_  not _like. A rack._ Truly? A rack? What are we, ancient Midgardians? _It was... not pleasant._ But I can take it. Nothing... it's nothing. _But he still screamed and screamed, until he couldn't scream because he was afraid something might_ break _if he made a noise. And then something did- all four limbs._

_The rack they used three times, allowing Loki to rest for several days before beginning anew with his healed body._

_He wasn't certain_ how _many days had past since he was first introduced to the rack, but after a few days of recuperating from his third session with the dreaded device, the men brought Loki to the room, and there was nothing but a bucket filled with water._

 _The mischief god was confused for a moment, but_ only _for a moment. His own words suddenly jumped out at him,_ 'A flogging, perhaps?'  _Could it be?_  'The rack?'  _Loki shut his eyes tight as they dragged him to the murky water._ No, no, no...  _He was forced to kneel, his hands chained behind his back. '_ Drowning? Anything?'

 _Loki broke down on the first day. He had never feared water so much in his entire life. The primal need to_ breathe _was so powerful that the idea of_ not _breathing overwhelmed him. Still,_ it's nothing, nothing... I can... Yes, I can take- can take this.

 _The water wasn't icy cold, as he was expecting, but scalding hot. He couldn't tell if his face was melting off but it felt like it. By the amount of steam and the look of the water, Loki surmised that the water wasn't_ actually _very hot, but it felt like it to him._ How can they know? _Had Odin told them? But of course he did, why_ wouldn't _he?_

 _And after that day, after Loki had mockingly suggested they get more_ creative _... They did. Every few days or weeks he was greeted by a new kind of torture. The men still didn't speak and Loki could only scream at them; scream in anger and frustration and finally, fear and anguish._

_Then one day, after months of torture and days of the same, excruciating session, one of the men, masked as the others, leaned down and whispered: "Perhaps you should watch what you say, hm, Silvertongue..?"_

_Loki never mocked them again after that._

.

Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton were here. Well, he  _assumed_  the archer was here, but  _of course_  he was. Didn't those two live for each other? Barton had told him so much, during his brief stint as his thrall, told him that, while they were not lovers, they  _cared_  for each other, deeply. At the time Loki couldn't help but be reminded of himself and Thor, and how they used to be, and it had made him angrier, more determined. Thor was _not_ his brother, he had told himself. Oh how wrong he was; for who else but a brother would care for Loki so much after what he had done? He knew his punishments, though cruel, were deserved. He could only try and thank his brother, in any way possible, and be grateful- so, so grateful that Thor had decided to save him. _I don't deserve this kindness..._

After Thor had tried to reassure Loki of his devotion, he had attempted to get Loki to roam and explore some more, but the trickster no longer felt the want, his curiosity faded with the feel of the Black Widow's soft hair. Red, he remembered, like a dull fire that might be set ablaze if she looked at you for too long. In a lot of ways, she reminded him of Sif; not because she was a woman, that was the folly of ignorant fools, but because of her  _fierceness_. Of Sif and the Warriors Three, it was she who Loki always feared angering too much. Like Thor, she was quick to anger and quicker to pull her blade, sharp and thin and challenging anyone to question her.

But Romanoff... She had that same fierceness, yes, but far more control, poise. And she used that image to every advantage she could take; against foe and friend alike, she was  _not_  to be trifled with. Loki had learned that the hard way when he underestimated her resolve, mistaking her for a weeping maiden- an amateur's mistake, he should have seen through it.

Knowing all this, Loki was  _certain_  she would do something to him. Perhaps not in front of Thor, and perhaps not for some time, but eventually, she  _would_  enact her vengeance for Loki's offense against her partner. Strangely, Loki welcomed it. He feared the retribution, yes, but he also knew that it was well-deserved. Thor would never allow them to kill him, Loki knew, but pain? Most likely. Loki would take it and then it would be over. Perhaps Barton would be the one to deliver justice, or perhaps the Widow would. Or... would they enact their plans separately? It didn't matter.  _I_ _t doesn't matter_ , he told himself. He would not fight- and truly, could he? -and it would be done and finished and Thor would still be here to comfort and get him through it.

 _Yes_. He resolved to accept it and he did. Whatever happened, Thor was here.  _H_ _ere... He won't leave me... he- he won't._  But Loki didn't know, didn't know if he would be.  _Please don't leave me. Don't leave me..._


	9. Chapter 9

Thor heard the sound of scuffling feet outside his- and now, Loki's -bedroom door. He walked over the carpeted floor tentatively, determined not to awaken his brother, who had finally fallen asleep, and opened the door quietly. Immediately, Steve rushed toward him with a determined look on his face- the one that said, 'There's something happening.'

"Thor," said Steve hurriedly. He looked ready to say something else before saying, quietly, peeking a little around the Asgardian, "Is Loki okay?"

The thunderer nodded. He was glad that his friend was concerned for his brother's well-being, but he wished to know what was happening. He lightly closed the door behind him as he stepped more fully into the corridor. "Is anything wrong, captain?" he asked, his voice louder than he had expected.

Steve looked behind him for a moment, "Yeah." He looked back at Thor. "Everyone's waiting for you and Clint in the living room," he said quickly as Thor followed him. "Something's happening with SHIELD. The helicarrier or something. Fury's on the line."

When Thor and Steve reached the room, they heard Tony's voice and they saw Natasha in front of the large screen that seemed to appear out of nowhere- at least to Thor -every time they spoke with Director Fury. Right now, however, it was Maria Hill that was on the screen.

Her voice was strained as her harried look appeared on the screen as Thor approached the others.

"Regardless, we need you and Thor here,  _now_. This situation can't get-"

The screen cut to static. Everyone stared.

"Uhh..." said Tony. "Jarv?" The billionaire scratched the side of his head.

_"It appears the transmission has been cut from their end; there is nothing I can do."_

"Right," said Tony. "Keep trying to get them back- in the mean time..." he turned to Thor "... time to suit up?" His eyebrows were slightly raised, the question clearly directed at Thor.

"What's happening, Tony?" Steve cut in.

Tony's eyes remained on Thor's for a moment but quickly went to the soldier's. "Attack," he said plainly.

"An  _attack_?" asked Clint, who had just walked into the room. He stopped a few steps away when he caught sight of the thunder god.

"Right," was all Tony said as he eyed the others.

"What the hell does that mean?" asked the archer.

Natasha spoke up, voice calm but clearly in a hurry. "The helicarrier's under attack. Don't know by what or who, or whether it's even still in the air."

Surprise swept through the room even as no one spoke.

Finally, Steve stepped up. "What can we do?" he asked Tony and Natasha, the two that seemed to be the most informed at the moment.

Tony shook his head a little and walked halfway out of the room before turning around. "All of us who can fly need to get out there, pronto. Thor, that's just you and me. Pack up your fancy hammer and let's go." He walked- almost ran -out of the room, something more than just determination in his step, like he wanted to avoid something...

_Of course..._

Thor whipped around to the others. "I cannot leave Loki, he may awaken..." Thor hadn't been able to go back to sleep, especially after Loki had woken up with his muffled screams that haunted Thor's dreams. But that had been hours ago, Loki would soon wake up to find...  _No,_  he thought. He  _couldn't_ leave. But this was important; there were thousands of people on the helicarrier, could he live with himself if the great flying fortress fell to the ground? Especially if he could have somehow prevented it?

Suddenly, Romanoff walked up to him, calm but clear determination written on her face. "I know this is your decision, but you need to decide  _now_. Loki needs you, yes, but he'll  _survive_. The people on that helicarrier might not. Make a decision, we need to go." She walked around the thunder god and nodded to Clint. She called back, "Hill ordered all personnel away from the carrier until the situation's sorted, so we can't go in. Thor," he turned around to face her, thoughts running through his head like an angry beehive. "We need you out there." Then she and her archer walked briskly out of the room.

The captain was suddenly beside him. "You gonna go?" he asked quietly, although there was a clear request there.

 _Time..._  He didn't have  _time_  to think about this, to consider as he truly wished to, to weigh the options and the downsides and what, what,  _what am I thinking?_  He loves Loki, and he would do anything for him, even die, but this... Could he let  _others_  die in his stead?

No. No he couldn't. Not only could he not forgive himself, but he feared he might resent Loki for it. So...

He turned fully to Captain America, then, in a strained but strong voice: "I will go."

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

He was panicking. It was strange, to  _know_  it, to  _feel_  it happening as it happened, but Loki knew it like he knew his brother's voice, how he could pick it out from even a crowd of hundreds talking.

Thor wasn't here. He had searched the room, after waking up, only to find no one here. He had reassured himself at first, saying he was perhaps in the washroom. But after some time, and a slightly panicked search of the cold-tiled room, across the sink and the bathtub, he knew he  _wasn't here_.

 _Where could he be- where is he, where is he-_  Loki tried to control his breathing, the short bursts through his nose making him light-headed.  _He's only outside. He's gone to get us breakfast, that's all, that's all- Has he left me?_  He quickly quashed that thought, it couldn't be true,  _couldn't be!_

His shaking hands felt along the wall and landed on the cold door. The handle felt strange under is fingers, almost heavy, like the simple metal might fail to move even if pushed with all his might, but, as it had so many times before, it turned and gave way easily.

A harsh breath of air left his nose as he, nervous and trembling, curled his fingers around the door and peaked his head out.

He didn't know what he was doing, he couldn't see, or hear, or do  _anything_ , what was he  _doing_?

Suddenly, there was an arm on his forearm, lightly touching there but foreign-  _not his, it's not his, not Thor's, not brother's!_  Loki jerked back, stumbling and falling backward into Thor's room. Who was it?!

Nothing further happened but Loki wasn't taking any risks, he knew they could still be there, waiting, watching, doing... what? There was no way to know. He scrambled backward and half-crawled across the floor, feeling better with the carpet under his fingers-  _anchoring_  him to the world, the world that seemed to have turned upside and shaken him about. He found a corner and huddled in it, feeling foolish, knowing that if this person wished harm upon him he could do nothing.  _Nothing!_

Loki wrapped his arms around himself and drew up his knees to his chest, then tried his best not to cry out or show any more weakness than he already radiated.

_Where's Thor? Where's Thor? Where's Thor?!_

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"Okay, okay, okay, you're okay..." tried Steve as he rushed toward the obviously frightened trickster. Loki quickly fell backward and scurried across the floor until he hit a corner. Steve grimaced and stayed near the door, suddenly feeling that to rush forward might somehow cause the other to panic even more.

"He can't see us, Cap," said the Black Widow, stepping up beside him.

"I know," he said, but still didn't approach. "We can't just leave him here, though."

Natasha raised a single red eyebrow. "And why not? I don't think he'll move for anyone but Thor."

For the past few hours she and Clint had been trying to contact the rest of SHIELD any way they knew how. When they finally got through, the situation had apparently been handled- only to find out that the  _crisis_  had been averted, but not the aftermath. The helicarrier was in the water, but was less than functional. They weren't sure how, but Thor and Tony had kept it from crashing into the ocean. The rest of the Avengers breathed a collective sigh of relief as the sun peeked over the horizon, the new light a welcomed view that mirrored their own thoughts. For whatever reason, however, the airspace around the helicarrier was still restricted so they couldn't fly there with their quinjet. Further prodding was only met with repeated orders to remain where they were.

Steve had been on his way back to his room when he caught sight of the dark-haired head poking out of Thor's door. Concerned, he had approached, then spoke, then, shaking his head at himself, had realized how stupid he was being- Loki couldn't  _hear_ him. The hand on the trickster's arm was an instinct, nothing more, and now, here he was, unsure what to do to comfort the pathetic figure huddled fearfully in the corner. It was  _his fault._ He shouldn't have touched him in the first place.

As if reading his mind, the red-head said, "It's not your fault, Cap."

He frowned at her, slightly amused. "How do you  _do_ that?"

She gave a small smile and a half-shrug, as if that were explanation enough. She looked to Loki. "We should just leave him alone; he'll be fine until Thor gets back."

"What makes you say that?" Because how could she possibly know? He looked her straight in the eye, always wondering if he might one day be able to see what's behind those closed-off eyes.

She shrugged again as her eyes remained on the trickster. "He's tough, Cap. He's been through hell and back. He'll be okay, whatever happens. We should leave him be."

He stared at her. There was no malice in her voice, just... understanding.

Natasha walked away and disappeared around the corner as Steve remained where he was, deciding to keep an eye on Thor's charge, at least until he got back. It was the least he could do for his friend.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"This is nuts! This is crazy- I don't like this- Have I told you how much I hate this?" Tony was rambling. It was something Thor was used to by now, but he almost seemed to be panicking. Well, perhaps not  _panicking_ , but he was certainly more agitated than normal.

From what Thor understood, Tony and he were trapped somewhere near the bottom of the helicarrier, in a small metal room with several benches to sit on- Thor remembered it to be a "locker room", although it was a small one. The billionaire was pacing from one end to the other repeatedly.

Tony had said something about why Thor couldn't simply use his hammer to break the walls and escape, something about water pressure- which Thor didn't quite understand -and that even if Thor could survive, Tony wouldn't, now that his suit was damaged.

"I still do not understand why I simply cannot use Mjolnir to-" tried Thor again, but Tony interrupted.

"No, no. I  _told_ you already," he used both hands to demonstrate, as if that would help. "There's water all around us, on every side. The bottom of the 'carrier's flooded, if you go busting out like some He-man, the water will all flood in. You'll kill me, got it?"

Thor considered it for a moment. "Can I not simply carry you to the surfa-"

" _No_ ," Tony seemed to be getting annoyed now. "Again, I told you: I can't hold my breath that long, not to mention the water pressure at this depth is pretty crazy-"

"Then what are we to do? Will you not run out of air in here eventually?"

The genius squinted at Thor in surprise, although he paused only a moment before answering. "Uh, yeah. But- wait, what d'you mean, 'you' run out of air? You gonna hold your breath or something?"

Thor shrugged. "I do not require air as you do," he said simply, hoping he wouldn't have to explain because he didn't have an explanation.

Tony scratched his head and sighed. "Right. Of course you don't. Silly me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Loki next chapter; I felt like this chapter was light on Loki but the next bit should have more of him. And, oh yeah, a lot of you guys wanted Thor to get separated from Loki somehow- I hope you're satisfied! The poor thing's all distraught now! ;D I guess we'll see how he and the other Avengers get along without Thor.  
> (I'm sure a lot of you would have liked to see Tony deal with Loki along with the rest of them, but I felt that he and Thor are the two people most commonly featured alongside Loki in fics, thus I opted to leave them both out, give the others a chance to hang out with him. XD)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the angst storm this chapter. ;)

It wasn't as if Loki knew he was there, but Steve couldn't bring himself to leave his cowering form. The trickster god remained huddled in the corner, wide eyes staring straight- not that he would look anywhere else.

Steve had sat down a few feet away from the other, although he wasn't sure why he was even bothering, there was no way he knew he was there.

"You know, Loki," started Steve, still feeling ridiculous but somehow it felt  _right_  to speak, "I'm sure your brother will be fine. He'll...he'll be back soon." What else was there to say? Why was he even saying anything at all? The captain shook his head at himself.  _Stupid._

Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Loki trying to- in what he assumed was  _discretely_  -feel about in front of him with a hand, as if he expected someone to be there. Was he looking for Thor, or Steve? Although the blonde doubted he even  _knew_  that it was him that had touched him.

Slowly, the trickster felt along the wall and stood up, keeping his back against the hard surface. Steve felt himself mirroring the movements as he slid up as well.  _What is he doing?_  Loki then felt his way around the room, keeping to the wall, breathing somewhat heavily but steadily. Steve followed behind him. What should he do?

When the mischief god reached the bed he felt its surface with both hands as he began to move around it. Then, several things happened that caught Steve by surprise. First, Loki's face went blank, then it looked as if he were thinking intently, then his brows furrowed as a pained expression spread across his features. His face then scrunched up in a fierce scowl. The next thing that happened made Steve jump back in surprise: Loki grabbed at the covers on the bed and ripped them off- quite literally, in fact, he heard the sheets tearing. The god then turned on the pillows and began ripping out their stuffing, feathers flying everywhere. In almost the same moment, his foot caught the end table next to him and he smashed a fist on its surface, splintering it to pieces. All the while the trickster growled angrily, breathing hard with a mask of pain and fury.

As Loki stumbled across the room- unheeding of anything that might trip him -he ran into the closet door.

Before he did anything else, Steve yelled, "Loki, stop!"  _What is wrong with me? He can't hear you!_

But the dark-haired god had already put his foot through the wood of the closet door, his arm breaking through as well. Loki made a frustrated sound at it when his leg got caught in the wood, then haphazardly ripped it out in anger. He hadn't braced himself, however, and fell backward when he lost his balance; on instinct, Steve ran up behind him and caught the god before he hit the floor. Immediately, Loki yelped and jerked to his feet, scrambling away from the captain.

Suddenly, the door burst open, Clint and Natasha standing at the ready with weapons drawn. "What the hell is going on here!" shouted the archer.

Loki made desperate breathy noises in his throat as he crashed into the wall with his back, but he didn't seem finished with his...whatever it was he was doing. His foot caught on a medium-sized table near the window and he turned on it and sent a violent fist through the wood, breaking it in half.

"What the hel-" Clint started again as he was about to move forward, but he and Natasha both jumped out of the way when a chair flew passed them. Natasha rolled and landed gracefully inside the room, Clint had nowhere to go as he was near the wall so he flattened himself against it. "Cap, seriously-!"

"Don't go near him!" yelled Steve.

"What?!" yelled the archer back, eyes wide and confused. Natasha's eyes were watching the god intently but she looked less surprised.

Loki broke the other chair as he smashed it against the wall next to him- it was clear he had no idea  _where_  he was throwing the pieces of furniture, he didn't seem to have an aim.

Steve inched closer to the other two but stopped. "He might be blind, deaf and mute, Clint, but he still has his strength," he said quickly as Loki continued to assault pieces of furniture. "Just get out of here," his voice raised an octave, "he could kill you two!"

Neither agent needed to be told twice as they rushed out and closed the door behind.

The truth was, Steve didn't know why he didn't just leave as well. It wasn't like  _he_ was exactly a match for Loki, either, but just abandoning the panicking trickster just seemed...cruel, somehow. Even so, he wouldn't let his compassion outweigh his common sense; Loki had just broken what looked like a solid oak table with one hand and he didn't seem to be slowing down.

His next target seemed to be a mirror that was hanging on the wall next to the window. At first, Loki had touched it and moved on, then, pausing, he returned to it.

For a moment there was silence, nothing except the god's strained breathing through his nose and Cap's rapidly beating heart. Slightly bruised hands slowly felt along the surface of the mirror and Loki seemed to be calming down. The god tilted his head, looking at it as if he could see himself in the reflection.

 _Should I do something now?_  He wasn't sure if Loki would freak out again so he waited.  _But for how long?_  This...outburst didn't happen for no reason, and whatever the reason, Steve didn't think it was good.  _Bruce._  He needed Bruce in here, he was a...sort of doctor. Or maybe Natasha might know how to soothe the trickster, she could read anybody.

Strange hitching sounds, of breaths catching in a throat, broke through Steve's thoughts. Was Loki...crying?

It was true, he could see it in the mirror the god was still touching with both hands, fingers tentatively resting on the surface. It occurred to him that Loki's eyes were  _healing_ \- at least a little bit -if he was able to cry now-

Steve flinched fiercely when Loki suddenly crashed both fists against the mirror's glass. Then he did it again, and again, and again, and again-  _What should I do?_  Steve thought, nearly in a panic himself.

When the god continued to assault the glass, the pieces falling everywhere, and his hands bloodied, the soldier decided,  _enough is enough._  As Loki began sobbing, Steve rushed forward and wrapped arms around him to grab at his wrists, pulling him backward. A strangled sob escaped as he hauled him back, Steve's movements jerky but determined.

"That's enough, Loki!" he yelled, even knowing the other couldn't hear. Loki didn't seem to be fighting back, though, he only went limp and allowed Steve to move him. But before the mirror had gotten five feet away, Loki suddenly screamed- a muffled, frustrated and pained noise -then lashed out at him just as Steve felt himself roughly pushed backward. He hit the wall behind with enough force to crack it. It hurt, but he felt a rush of relief that he had sent Clint and Natasha out; if either of them had tried that, they would probably be dead now.

Loki whimpered and slowly bent down, tears streaming down his face and short hiccups leaving him every few seconds. He curled up on the floor in the fetal position, hugging himself tightly. His hands were bleeding as well as his face, although Steve wasn't sure when that had happened.

 _What should I do..._  he asked himself again.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

It was the mirror, the mirror that had finally made Loki break down completely- break just like the furniture he knew he had broken to pieces.

The bed had started it. He had been sitting there against the wall,  _thinking_ , and he suddenly hated the feeling, the feeling of  _not knowing_. His hands felt around the room that was now familiar, yet somehow, without Thor there, it felt hollow and foreign, not _home_. The bed reminded him too much of his brother, and when his hands touched it he half expected to feel a leg, or an arm, something that told him it hadn't all been a delusion, or a dream,  _something_  that said: 'Thor was here all along, foolish trickster.' But it wasn't true and he  _had_  to make his terrible thoughts go away, the thoughts that whispered:  _Thor isn't here. You've been abandoned, again. No one is coming for you... Why would they? You're all alone now- were_ always _alone._

The bed's covers were on the floor, he had felt something ripping. Some sort of small table was next.  _Why are you fighting? It's all useless, isn't it? He won't come back._  Something soft and feathery flew around him.

There was a door in front of him, its wood felt good breaking beneath his limbs, but it defiantly got caught on his leg and Loki felt himself falling back.  _No!_  his mind had screamed when he felt hands on him, catching him- they weren't Thor's and he didn't want them.

He abruptly forgot there was someone else there the next moment, a table becoming his next victim. The chairs he threw away, although one hit something nearby- he felt the pieces hit him.

He didn't care.

 _None of it matters- Thor won't come back, he won't come back! Or maybe..._  Loki felt along the wall.  _Or maybe he was never here._  A smooth surface passed beneath his fingers and he almost overlooked it. He thought it might be a window until he felt its edges, but the shape was long, it couldn't be a window. All the windows in Thor's room were large enough to span the walls.

A mirror. He knew it was a mirror.

What would he see there if he  _could_  see? What color were his eyes now, were they still green? What color had the stitches been? He couldn't remember...

Thor's eyes were blue. Always so blue, like the midday sky on a summer's day, or the clearest crystal ocean before the sun slept at its edge. But what did those blue eyes see when they looked at the mischief god? Did Thor see a brother? A traitor? His burden? A mistake? A cripple? A  _Jotun runt_ -

His fists impacted the glass and he barely felt it. He  _hated_  that he didn't feel it because he wanted it to  _hurt_ \- wanted it to match what he felt inside.

_He's abandoned me! He's gone! I'm worthless, useless, pathetic! He hates me!_

Two hands around his wrists were dragging him backward now, Loki didn't have the strength to struggle.

He felt wetness running down his face and he wondered if he had cut himself.

_He hates me... he hates me..._

Loki didn't remember how or when he ended up on the floor. The wetness kept falling down his face and his breath was short. He felt arms around him for a moment, then realized they were his own, shaking and weak.

_He hates me..._

.

_"W-what are you doing?" Loki stuttered as he was being restrained to a chair he had never seen before. The hooded man behind held his head firmly with both hands._

_The man in front turned around, revealing a long needle and thread._

_Loki's eyes went wide. "No..." He began to struggle._

Why, why?  _Hadn't he been good? Hadn't he done what he was told? Answered when he was asked, moved when he was guided, ate, drank, and slept when he was permitted?_ Why?

_"No, please!" he screamed, desperate. "Why are you doing this, please!" He squirmed in the chair._

_He still remembered it. The last time. His nightmares still painted blood falling down his face, the dwarves' needle could still be felt on his lips- a phantom sting of pain that never really left._

_But not again!_

_The man was so close now, his hooded mask revealing no emotion; no hurry but no compassion, either. And what should he expect? His torturers didn't know the meaning of the word. Agony was their craft and they weaved it well. They had put terrible strings into the god of mischief and when they pulled his every part moved where they pleased. Wasn't that enough? Now they would put strings into his mouth to silence him. What was it all for?_

_He wailed when he felt the first stab on his lower lip. It didn't hurt so much, not yet but for the memory that still lingered like a weight waiting to drag him to the depths._

_Loki struggled more fiercely, a sudden fire burning within, a boiling anger. There was no point to this! For so long he had thought their purpose was simply to punish him, to torture him, but that thought was quickly erased given their odd methods. Questions that made little sense. The way they made him repeat certain actions, say certain words, or_ not _say certain words. They said 'stand here' and 'eat there', the way they beat him if he slept in the wrong position or if he stepped too far one way or the other. He didn't understand why any of it was important- how could it be?_

_The man behind tightened his grip on the trickster's head when Loki tried to pull away. He screamed when the needle pricked his skin again, then again, not stopping even when Loki sobbed and begged them to stop._

_But what was the use? Had they grown tired of him, was this his final punishment? Had Loki failed somehow, why the sudden change?_

_His screams were muffled now and the searing pain made him sick._ No, do not vomit. Do not. _He had done it before, all those years ago and he had thought he would drown in it. But not this time, no._

_Loki breathed deeply; in through his nose and out, in and out, in and out, he concentrated on it with everything he had and gripped the chair until his knuckles were white._

_His torturers didn't wait for the young god to settle; they ripped him out of the chair and forced him, stumbling all the way, out a door Loki had never used before. He barely registered that he was walking on unfamiliar ground. Abruptly, a dark cloth was pulled over his head._

_He didn't know how long he was dragged along, but he could barely keep his feet. And when they demanded he walk more properly he immediately straightened up and tried his best- he couldn't help but obey._

_"Here," one of them said gruffly, the rough grip on his arms stopping him._

_The black cloth remained over his head as they manhandled him onto his knees, then flat on his back. The ground was hard, rocky, and Loki knew it was a natural formation, whatever it was, not the floor of a constructed room. Using his other sense, he also noticed it was colder in here, not just his back against the rock, but the air as well._

_His wrists were pulled out, taut against metal chains that held firm and left no room to move. Next, his ankles were bound, leaving him even more immobile._

_Loki wanted to ask what was happening but at the last moment realized his mouth was stitched shut and managed to avoid pulling on the strings. His relief at avoiding the pain was short-lived when he felt a thick metal collar being fastened around his neck, which was also attached to a chain that rattled when it moved._

_He made a noise of protest when it clicked shut and wondered again what this new torture could be. The change in routine unnerved him. He had almost become accustomed to their "sessions" even if they hurt and confused him more and more every day._

_Then, when all was quiet for a time, Loki realized the men had gone. But where had they gone? Was this the way they expected him to sleep?_

_When he felt a warm breath of air and heard a shift of clothing next to his head, he jumped. So there_ was _somebody still in here with him. The breath got closer and he felt the warmth of the body next to him lean down._

 _"I am sorry, prince," said the clearly_ not _sorry voice. "Enjoy the rest of eternity in your new cell." The cloth was ripped from Loki's head and he blinked in anticipation of light- but it was pointless, there were no lights._

_The man was gone and Loki was suddenly alone._

_It was black as pitch and he lay quietly, uncertain what to do._ What had he meant? _The man's words turned over in his head until-_

_A long hiss suddenly reached his ears from somewhere above his head. Loki strained against his bonds, panic growing._

What- what is this?

_There were eyes in the dark, watching._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure what's up with all the angst this chapter, buuut anyway.
> 
> Also, I wasn't sure if you guys realized this, but Loki still has his natural strength (somewhat lessened with malnutrition)- he actually technically has all his abilities, still, but his lack of sensory input makes him vulnerable (not to mention his state of mind).


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's following and keeping up with my fic. I love you guys! X3

_"M-Mother..." Thor stuttered._

_The Queen of Asgard stepped out of the shadows of the night-painted pillars, face unreadable._

_The prince shifted awkwardly, something he was so unaccustomed to but couldn't help. "What brings you here- I mean, h-how are you?" He tried smiling, tried pushing away his surprise the same way his younger brother might-_ How does he  _do_ that so easily?

_"I might say: 'Speak only truth, my son, for lies are ill fitted to your tongue.' But I see that is not entirely true." Her gaze remained steady, even as her lips twitched in a small smile._

_Thor's brows furrowed slightly, uncertain what to say. Then, he suddenly found his words, unable to conceal his surprise any longer. "You? It-It was_ you _?"_

 _The queen inclined her head in acknowledgement. "Who else? He is_ my _son as much as your brother." The darkening in her eyes, ever so slight yet- Thor felt a small shiver run down his spine._

 _"Of course, but... Why not approach me directly? Why hide in the shadows as-"_ as Loki might _, he couldn't say._

 _"And why do_ you _hide in the shadows, my son? Darkness has never suited you-" she straightened and breathed deeply. "But this is not the time for this, I have what you came for."_

_Thor frowned. So strange, this was. He had tried, tried so hard for nearly a month to find the location of his brother. His father refused to speak of it, nor even his mother...at the time, seemingly hiding behind her grief. "But Father..." Thor spoke absent-mindedly, his thoughts and concerns slipping out._

_And again, the queen's resolve hardened, yet there was a softness at the core, still. "Your father is blinded in both eyes now. I have spoken to him and even my words fall on deaf ears. He refuses to speak of..." She shook her head, looking down, a small sigh escaping._

_"He is...stubborn," said Thor, quietly._

_Her eyes flashed, yet still so soft. "He is not the only one." Thor almost smiled, knowing she did not mean only_ him _. "You will take this," she handed him a small wooden box and wrapped cold fingers around his, "and you will_ find him. _I will make no pleas nor appeals to the Norns for you to succeed." A chill ran through Thor at his mother's hard words. "There is no question in my mind that you will succeed. You are my son- but I am a mother of_ two  _sons. The worlds are incomplete without_ two _Sons of Odin." Her gaze was unwavering. Her hand retracted and her coldness suddenly left by a burning rage well-concealed behind the practiced eyes of an eternal queen. Still, it was clear she was a_ mother _in this instance, there was no doubt in the thunder god's mind._

_Thor moved to leave, questions still warring in his mind like an army attempting to break the borders of his lips. He stopped, feet ready to move. His eyes fell to the floor. "We are..." he didn't turn around, "sons of Frigga, as well." He lifted his head, still not turning. "Now more than ever."_

_His feet carried him away, toward what, he didn't know._ Loki, brother, where are you?

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"You okay over there, blondie?" said Stark, so suddenly Thor nearly jumped. The billionaire smirked.  _Jumpy, much?_  he thought. Tony tried to find it funny but it only made him nervous; if the god of thunder was jumpy... What should the rest of them be feeling?

Thor's eyes flitted to his as he ran a tired hand through his hair. "Nothing, Stark."

A knowing nod. "Right.  _Nothing_. Sure," his voice lilted. He raised both hands. "Don't let  _me_ interfere with whatever you're doing over there; it's not like we're stuck here together and I- I repeat,  _I_  -might die or anything." He waved a dismissive hand, looking away pointedly. Thor said nothing and Tony couldn't see his face. "No need to console me or anything." Still nothing.  _Damn_. Maybe he should try something else? A depressed Thor wouldn't help him-  _either_  of them, at all. Nope. "Say," he said cheerfully and looked toward the god, "what's going on with you and Jane, lately? She's still hot, I assume."

Thor shrugged a little but didn't meet Tony's gaze, mind still wandering- or at least he hoped that's what was happening. And what was his deal, anyway? Since he didn't even need to  _breathe_ , apparently, it wasn't as if  _he_  would be dying anytime soon, Tony couldn't help but think, slightly bitter at his near-indestructible friend.

"Well?" Tony tried again.  _I'm pretty sure he knows what 'hot' means by now..._  In the past, trying to even  _hint_  that Tony was interested in Jane made the thunder god...well, a bit frightening to be around. Thor didn't seem to act that way when Jane herself was around, oddly, but, he supposed, the god thought Tony was being  _disrespectful_  or something when she wasn't present. For a guy bent on being a walking, talking white knight cliche, he was strangely willing to let Jane fight her own battles- at least of wit. Tony never meant anything by it- and Jane always gave him a humorous verbal lashing, which neither of them took seriously -it was just too easy to push the god's buttons and then act as if he didn't know what the problem was. Tony sighed. He missed that Thor.

"What is wrong with you?" Thor said suddenly, slight annoyance in his voice.

"Me? What's wrong with  _me_?" Tony laughed. "Yeah. 'Cause it's not as if you've been  _moping_  over there for the past hour or anything- seriously, what's  _your_  deal? It's not as if  _you_  can die here-"

Thor stood up abruptly, Tony didn't know what to make of it. "You will  _not_  die." He backed down a little. "Fury and the rest of SHIELD will find us before that happens."

"Wow," said Tony, sarcastically. "I didn't think you had that much faith in our favorite pirate- Is this where I worry about you secretly being a spy for SHIELD 'cause I have this bet going with-"

"Stark," Thor sighed heavily, features suddenly so weary, face tilted down.

Tony paused, almost refused to move lest the god's train of thought be interrupted.

"Do you-" Thor started, "Do you believe Loki can ever fully recover?" His glassy eyes met Stark's, and suddenly, more than ever, Tony wanted to be  _out_  of here.  _Maybe I could re-check that panel over there...for the millionth time._

A line of expletives ran through his mind before he managed to open his mouth. And,  _damn_ , clearly this wasn't just about the trickster god's  _physical_  well-being. "Uh..." he said eloquently. "Um, uh..." Thor stared at him, eyes sad and expectant.  _Stop looking at the damn puppy eyes, Stark!_   _What do I look like, Asgard's equivalent of a therapist? Can I see the future now? What the hell, Thor?_

Unfortunately, Tony's hesitance had gone on too long. Thor's eyes closed as he nodded sadly. "As I thought."

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

He wasn't trained for this. No,  _no_  he wasn't. Combat. Combat was good. Shooting a gun, that was okay, although he preferred his shield. Giving orders, taking them, fighting for those who couldn't, eating apple pie and saluting the flag. All that, he could do. Easy as the pie he had just eaten, but  _this_...

Loki remained on the floor, curled up in a ball and sobbing- and it was so sad that Steve was slightly glad that the god  _could_  cry now. What was he supposed to do? Comfort him? Sit down and...do what? Should he do what Thor would? No, he quickly dismissed that thought. Loki had lashed out or freaked out every time Steve had touched him, why should now be any different?

Still not knowing what to do but determined to see it through whatever it took, Steve, slowly, sat down next to Loki, although remained a step away and didn't touch the god. He rested his wrists on his knees and looked around, uncertain what to do next. Sitting here like a log seemed a pointless endeavor, yet what was he to do?

"Loki," Steve sighed to himself, hanging his head, "what should I do."  _Leave him be_ , perhaps. Or,  _do something?_  Were those his only options? Leave him alone-  _alone_ , like he probably had been for so long, or try to help him and be rejected, pushed away as the unwanted hands,  _not his brother_. Only two options. Reject him or be rejected.

Steve stared straight ahead. He narrowed his eyes when he caught sight of something red against the wall- not against,  _inside_ , and not the wall, the broken closet.

_What is that?_

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

_...He hates me._  What other explanation was there? Loki didn't want to think, didn't want to think because that was all he'd done for so long. So quiet,  _so quiet and there's nothing but darkness nothing, nothing but me and there's no one here, or there, or anywhere._ Why couldn't there be anyone? There was only pain, pain everywhere. He couldn't remember if there had been anything after the Serpent, the hiss the only bright point in the endless dark of his life.  _No Thor no Thor, there's no Thor not here not there-_

He held himself tighter, hugged his knees to his chest and tried not to wonder why the cold metal wasn't digging into his limbs and neck.  _Nothing here- no one, just me- No! Not me, there's no me no me and no them, where am I?_ He grabbed his head and pulled his hair.  _I can't- I...can't just can't-_   _Nothing to guide me, can't get out-_

A softness grazed his cheek. Loki ignored it, a fabrication of his pained mind, no doubt. He clenched his teeth beneath his tired lips and held his head tighter.

The softness returned, cool against the skin of his face, and next, on his hands that gripped far too tightly and made his head hurt. When it happened a third time Loki flinched back, realizing it  _was_  happening and that the soft thing wasn't going anywhere.

For a moment, nothing happened, then, slowly, the cloth rubbed softly against his arms, lightly falling over him. It didn't cover him but it rested on him, not heavy but not very light, either.

 _What is this-?_  A little more of it was pushed, gently, into his arms. Suddenly, Loki realized there was someone else in the room with him.  _Who is-?_  He jumped up and scooted away quickly, although his back hit something- the bed.

And again, nothing happened for a moment. Slowly, almost cautiously, but with a certain determination, the cloth again slipped onto him, this time draped awkwardly over his pulled-up knees.

Loki tried to understand. He remembered now where he was, in the tower-  _Avengers_  Tower, with none other than the Avengers themselves, and Thor-  _Thor-_

Suddenly realizing what it was, the cloth,  _the cloth_ , Loki ripped it off his legs and threw it away.  _No!_   _No!_  He flared his nostrils in annoyance, feeling something wet falling down his face.  _He's not here! He doesn't get to-_ It wasn't a substitute for him, it wasn't  _Thor._  But somehow, again, the cloth was placed on his knees. Loki felt a protest sound roughly in his throat as he again ripped the cloth off and toward whomever was repeatedly giving it back to him.

 _Stop it!_  Loki's mind screamed. He tried to turn away, tried to get away, but the bed was in the way and Loki couldn't summon the will to push passed it or go around.  _No no no no no, I can't- I can't see the red, I don't_ want _to!_ Thor was gone and he wouldn't be coming back. Loki was alone, would  _always_  be alone. That was the way of things.

It slipped onto his knees again.

_Stop! Stop! Stop!_

He pushed it away, angry, eyes burning with- with...  _Crying... I'm-I'm crying._ He shook his head fiercely.  _Doesn't matter! He won't come back!_

The red thing, so soft and  _familiar_ -

He threw it off.

It came back.

He threw it away.

It came back.

Loki cried out, even through his stitches,  _begging_  the person to stop. He tried to hide himself against the bed but he couldn't make himself smaller.  _He's gone, gone, gone..._

It smelled like him. Smelled like  _brother_. His mind refused to comply; he could see the red of the cloth, even now in his mind's eye, a phantom through the darkness he swam in,  _drowned_  in.  _No please..._

He tried to throw it away again but it stuck in his clenched fist, in the air, waiting,  _waiting_  for him to discard it. But before he could, before his fingers could let go and give in, give up-  _I am Loki. I am no one's brother. I am no one's son. I am...lost -_ fingers, so solid and determined, so unlike him,  _not like me_ , wrapped around his hand. Through his despair, through  _everything_  and  _nothing_ , Loki couldn't back away, couldn't flail and scream at the one gripping his hand.

Let go, let go.

_You've let go one too many times._

I can't do this, can't- can't do this without  _him_ , without  _Thor._

_We're here, you're not alone. Not alone._

No one ever came for me.

_He did. He did and he'll do it again._

(The cloth didn't slip...)

 _Don't let go, Loki. Do it for him. Do it for_ you _._

(He held it to himself.)

No.

_Yes._

Can't-

 _You can, you_ will.

I-

Red surrounded him. Splash of color in the dark.  _Dark_... For the first time, it didn't go on forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to go longer with this but the chapter demanded I stop here.
> 
> Hope you guys weren't confused by the last part! If you were, feel free to ask what the heck's going on, or make your own assumption, either way, ehehe.
> 
> I really didn't plan on having so much Loki-Steve bonding, but it just came out that way. I guess I feel like Steve is representative of the Avengers as a whole- he's not just their leader, he embodies what they're meant to be, _heroes_ , more than anything, and I believe he does it well.
> 
> Until the next!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And before I forget again...  
> Sketchevrywir made some fanart for this fic. It's for the first chapter, if you want to check it out. sketchevrywir.deviantart.com/art/Pray-for-Rain-366965718  
> I've also made a pic that goes along with this story: illyriablue24.deviantart.com/art/Pray-for-Rain-Loki-402262313

Natasha and Clint-  _friends,_ his friends -were nearby, lingering but solid. Steve didn't know if they were there for Loki or for him, but he couldn't think about that now.

Thor's cape, so red against Loki's paleness and dark hair, white eyes and dark stitches- Steve couldn't look away.

He didn't realize how much time had passed as he held tightly to the god's hand, almost too tightly, he knew, but the other hadn't complained.

A hand on his shoulder called him back. "Cap?" Steve couldn't let go. "Steve."

The captain looked up, almost feeling as if he were looking through a haze. Red hair, almost blonde compared to the crimson cape, burned into his vision. "Natasha?" he frowned. "What is it?"

The assassin, somehow so slowly, moved down, eye-to-eye with the soldier. Her eyes were steady, Steve couldn't look away. "You can let go, Cap. You can let go..."

He shook his head.

"Cap." He looked at his own hands. "You can let go now,  _he knows_." A tweak of an almost-smile lit the corner of his eye. "It's okay now, let go." Her gentle hand on his, fingers lightly brushing, felt like everything that he needed in that moment, to come back to himself.

"Cap," said a voice from the door.  _Clint._  "You okay?" His silhouette shifted a little.

Steve nodded as his fingers left Loki's, slowly but suddenly with their confidence returned. He nodded again, then again after he stood up.

Loki grasped the cape tighter and pulled it against his chest with both hands, almost possessively. The god blinked once as small tears fell. His breathing had slowed and he appeared... _tired_. Weary even though he had probably just woken up. His despair, perhaps, hadn't left but his fight was still there-  _Yes. Buried, not gone._  But how long would it stay? He had taken steps but not leaps, but what was at the end of the road?

"Is  _he_  okay?" asked the archer next, still at the door. Steve couldn't tell if he was truly concerned, or if he was concerned Loki might do something else. He hoped for the former but understood the latter.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Given that they had been stuck in here without contact to the outside, and that Stark's suit was less than functional, Thor had very little idea of how much time had passed. It seemed like days, now.

Every attempt Tony had made to escape the room was met with failure and every idea Thor had was immediately shot down by the billionaire. It seemed, at least for the time being, that they would have to wait for those outside to come to them- if it was even possible. The time hadn't come for desperate measures...just yet.

Tony sighed with annoyance and without looking up from where he worked on his suit said, "You can stop staring any time now, you know."

Thor blinked. "How can you know-"

"Eyes in the back of my head," he said plainly. Then he held up his mask and some sort of screen attached to it. "No, seriously, I can see behind me. Camera, see?" He grinned as he looked behind at Thor for a moment.

Thor crossed his arms and leaned his back against the wall.

"You've been quiet," said Tony as he returned to his machines. "Can't say I blame you; worried for your little bro?"

The god didn't answer.

"Yeah...figured. What with that whole speech about how he might not recover or whatever."

"It was not a...speech."

"Sounded like one to me."

"I merely-" Thor sighed as his shoulders slumped. Tony looked at him, waiting. "It was not my intention to despair, but... I truly do not know what I'm doing in regards to Loki."

The inventor raised a brow. "Oh yeah? Seem to be doing a pretty good job from where I'm standing- or sitting. Whatever, you know." He shrugged. "Uh, so...I'm really not one for all this heart-to-heart, but you just keep rambling- I mean talking and I'll try to get us outta here, right?" He returned to his suit.

But, as Thor said nothing for some time the inventor gave a long-suffering sigh and stood up suddenly, turning around.

"Alright,  _fine_! Far be it for me to come up with a plan to bust out of here-" he gesticulated with frustrated gestures. "Really, come on, Point Break! You're doing a great job- awesome, even. Your little bro's brain might be a little wack but he's alive isn't he-?"

Thor stared at him, wondering why he was even speaking to  _Tony_  of all people about this.

"Alright, alright, alright! I'm being an idiot, or- insensitive or whatever. Gosh, I really need Pepper around for things like this, look," he winced for a second, "I don't know what the hell I'm saying, I'm  _just_ saying..." He sighed loudly and ran both hands through his hair. He groaned and rubbed his face, "We're not going to get out of here."

"What?" Thor frowned at him. "What about your..."

"Yeah, my  _suit_. No good. Too much damage. I can  _maybe_  get Jarvis running- uh, sort of, but the suit itself can't get enough power to do anything."

Thor perked a brow, "...power?"

"Yep." He waved a hand over the scattered pieces of the suit. "I used up too much power trying to keep this  _hunk of junk,_ " he yelled the last part to the ceiling, "out of the water, and then we ended up in the water anyway!"

"Hm," said Thor thoughtfully. "Can you...use my lightning?"

Tony whipped around from where he had been irritatingly pointing his finger at the ceiling. "Uh, I don't know. Is it possible to  _not_  burn me alive in here or  _not_  cause a major catastrophic breakdown when your lightning shoots through the helicarrier while trying to reach us from the sky?"

Thor stared for a moment, blinking. "...No?"

"Okay, then, bad idea." Thor squinted at him. Tony shrugged one shoulder. "Just saying."

The thunder god scrutinized his friend for several moments while Tony rearranged the suit- which seemed pointless, as if he was only occupying himself with something- "You did that intentionally, didn't you?" asked Thor, eyes slightly narrowed.

"Did what?" Tony replied innocently as he continued.

"Never mind." But the corner of Thor's mouth tugged a little in a smile.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"So what," began Clint, "are we...just gonna sit around here and...what?"

Steve and Natasha looked at him as Loki continued sitting in the corner with his brother's cape, completely oblivious to their presence.

For his part, Steve still couldn't just  _leave_ , regardless of whether or not Loki knew he was here. As for the others... well, it was their choice, why were they still here? "You can leave if you want, Clint," said Steve with no malice or judgement, because who could blame him if he didn't stick around?

Loki  _had_ been sitting at the foot of the bed for a while after his outburst but apparently decided the corner would be the best- or more likely the safest, in his mind. Steve sat on the floor against the wall near him, arms casually draped on his knees. Natasha stood across the room with arms crossed as she leaned against the wall. Clint was still near the doorway, undecided as to what he should do, apparently.

"Clint," said Natasha, "you don't have to be here. I'll meet up with you later-"

"No offense, Nat, but I don't think so. If you guys are staying, I'm staying." He walked gingerly forward and stood, somewhat awkwardly, a few steps away from his fellow SHIELD agent.

After several minutes had passed, Natasha spoke to the ceiling, "Jarvis?"

_"How may I assist you, Agent Romanoff?"_

"Any word from SHIELD about Stark or Thor?" The other two Avengers in the room perked their eyebrows.

_"There has been no contact from Mr. Stark or Mr. Odinson. However, my inquiries to SHIELD headquarters confirm that the crisis is over."_

Clint spoke up, "But they don't have any idea what's happened to them? Are they even okay?"

_"I do not know, sir. I also cannot find a reason for the airspace around the helicarrier continuing to be restricted."_

"This is...so weird."

Now Steve tried. " _You_ still can't get ahold of Tony, either?"

_"I have not been able to make contact with him since after the incident was resolved. It appears the helicarrier is in the water, although stable, due to his and Mr. Odinson's actions, however, his transmission was cut soon after."_

The three said nothing, concern on their faces but not enough to actually  _worry_ , just yet. They knew the question lingering in the air: if the two  _were_  in danger, would SHIELD tell them? Ask for aid? Surely they would...

"Thank you, Jarvis," said Steve, sighing out through his nose.

_"Of course, sir."_

Loki sniffled beside Steve, and the soldier was glad that he at least wasn't crying any more. He hadn't done much after his outburst except sit with Thor's cape wrapped around him, apparently content to just _wait_ , or so Steve assumed.  _Well,_ he thought,  _at least he understands that Thor_ will  _return._ Or that's what he hopes, at least. The trickster's demeanor didn't seem to indicate he had given up, just...resigned, perhaps, maybe even hopeful? That Thor would return soon? Steve almost rolled his eyes at himself. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking on his part, seeing what he wanted to see.

When Loki suddenly moved, Steve jumped a little, caught off-guard. He, albeit slowly, began crawling along the floor with his side to the wall, then, as Steve moved out of the way, he stood up gingerly, hands guiding him along the wall.

"What's..." Clint said quietly, "he doing?"

The three watched as Loki, still very slowly, followed along the wall until he reached the refrigerator that had been seamlessly built into the wall. Cautiously, and with his back against the wall, he reached down and touched the small indention that caused the refrigerator's door to slide open. The white light lit up the room and Cap only now realized how dark it was in there.

Loki's thin fingers felt around inside, carefully, as though worried he would knock something over, until he found a sealed container.

The two spies crept closer, curious, as Steve himself moved so he could see better.

"What's he-" Clint began but the three jumped simultaneously when Loki began shaking the cylindrical container furiously. He then popped open the top of it and grabbed a cup from a small drawer at the bottom of the refrigerator. He filled it with some of the liquid from the container, then grabbed a straw, returned the container, and closed the door.

For a moment, all three stared in silence, then, Cap choked back a small laugh. "This is..." he began, "he was just getting a smoothie..."

A look at the two spies showed Clint trying his best not to crack a smile and Natasha perking an amused eyebrow.

"This," said Clint, "is what we've been reduced to, jumping at a blind, deaf and mute guy shaking up his smoothie in a room he wrecked not thirty minutes ago."

A long pause, then suddenly, all three burst out laughing. They couldn't help it, the situation was so... _strange_. Loki, their former enemy, drinking a smoothie while they watched and sat around in the debris of what was left of Thor's room.

"And," Steve choked out between laughs, "how the heck...did that refrigerator survive all that."

Clint was doubled over and wheezing, Natasha didn't show teeth but leaned on the wall for support. Steve sat on the ruined bed and nearly fell off it as he continued laughing. What made it funnier was that Loki had  _no clue_  they were even here. For a moment Steve felt bad, but he quickly realized there was no reason for it. They weren't making fun of Loki or trying to exclude him from anything- not that they would try -but it was  _so funny_  that they were making fools of themselves, watching Loki with such curiosity, determined to help, when he just  _did something himself_ , took care of himself when he needed it, and here they were, 'Earth's mightiest heroes' acting like children, as if there was something so fascinating about a guy getting a smoothie.

Then suddenly, they stopped laughing. Steve chuckled a few more times but it was Clint that made him stop altogether. The archer paused, face suddenly somber, as if thoughts were flitting through his mind. The air seemed so heavy and Steve wasn't sure why it came over them so suddenly, just as the bout of laughter had.

Natasha stayed where she was but Clint made for the door, head down slightly, and walked out of view. After a moment, Natasha followed after him. Loki sat down in his corner and drank his meal through a thin, fragile straw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just had to go and ruin a happy moment for everyone, didn't I? Lol. But hey, at least they got to laugh. We'll see what happens with Thor and Tony next chapter (I meant to put it here but you know how that goes), and some more Loki 'cause he really wasn't in this one.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some stuff in this chapter that's sorta connected to a previous one (chapter five), but not so much that you have to go back and read it. Still, just thought I'd mention it.

_Red._

_Red._

_Red..._

_"Th-Thor?"_

_The breeze without windows stopped. Loki stared at the vague form hidden in the shadows across the cell. He squinted, trying to see-_ needing  _to see it, to know if...if..._

 _The figure stayed still, a statue of mockery standing in a corner and staring straight ahead, at Loki, or, perhaps,_ through _him._

_"Thor?" Loki said again, trying to sit up without success. "Brother, please..." he whispered, next trying to crawl but finding his body unable to move, frozen in his own corner._

_It was too dark to see, too dark to be certain of what was there, but Loki could see the red; wasn't that the color of his brother's cape?_

_"Loki..."_

_The trickster shivered, stared, tears welling up in his eyes._

_"Loki...are you there?" The words were barely a whisper, muffled and far away. "Loki, are you there?"_

_The figure's lips didn't move. Loki wished he could see better; light the way and maybe the bright would follow into his mind._

_He tried to move again. Spikes of pain shot through his body as he shook violently, trying...trying with everything to_ move _. "Please don't go..." he croaked as one hand managed to move in front of the other._

_"Loki..." it said again, so quiet Loki thought he imagined it. "Where are you... Loki, are you there?"_

Almost there,  _thought Loki._ Almost there, please...

_Dark boots surrounded by the red lingered before him._

Please, please-

_He was so close._

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

The sound of groaning metal filled the small room as Thor stood up, looking about. "What is that?" he asked.

"Hell if I know," said Stark, standing as well.

The room vibrated slightly and the distinctive sound of water resounded through the walls.

"Ah!" exclaimed Stark in surprise, suddenly.

"What is it?" Thor rushed to him, thinking he knew something.

The genius looked down at a piece of his mask in his hands. "Oh nothing," he said casually. "I just got communications back up-"

"What? Then we can contact Fury and the others-?"

"Yeah, yeah, give me a sec, Lightning Rod."

Tony's flippancy was becoming irritating so Thor walked away, listening again for the strange noises. After a while, he said, "It sounds as if water is moving around us..."

"Hm? Oh yeah. Bottom of the 'carrier's probably flooded. Just another thing to celebrate on this lovely day-  _okay_ , here we go." He returned the piece to the rest of his helmet and shoved it in, then placed it over his head.

After a moment of silence, Thor asked, "Is it working? Did you repair it? Are they-"

"Hold your horses, it's still a bit sluggish..." He banged the side of his head. "Yep, there we go. Uh...Mayday, Mayday, red alert? Anybody home? Are  _all_  you guys taking a break right now because I am seriously going to- Oh hey, Nick."

Thor moved a little closer, as if he could hear.

"Nope, just me and Thor." A long pause. "Okay, well, no  _rush_  or anything, it's not like we've been stuck in here for-  _Alright_ , alright,  _fine_." Another pause. "Yeah. Okay. You sure about that? Because I  _really_ don't want to open this door if-" He paused, listened for a moment, then grunted in frustration. "Yes,  _yes_ , I'll get Thor to do it. Fine. Right. Stark, out." He finally removed his helmet as Thor looked at him expectantly.

"What does he say?"

Stark ran a hand through his mussed hair. "Not much," he shrugged. "Except they've apparently managed to drain most of the water from this section." He smiled. "We're home free."

Thor's own smile grew. "Truly? You are not jesting with me?" But he didn't wait for an answer as he scooped up the billionaire in a tight hug.

"Uh..." The sound of Tony's breath wheezing through his chest made Thor put him down.

"I am sorry, friend." He patted Tony's shoulder as the smaller man stumbled, shaking his head.

"Yeah, whatever. Let's get outta here."

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Thor's cape wasn't warm, of course, but Loki thought he could almost feel a warmth, like the soft cloth might be tethered, somehow, to the mighty thunder god, even from such a distance.  _Whatever distance it might be._

Loki couldn't help but rub his face across it every few minutes, smelling of it and imagining Thor's return.

...But would he return?

He had no way of knowing. The mortal- whoever it had been -had tried to comfort Loki, that much he understood now, but it didn't give him any answers. Where was Thor? Was he nearby but simply incapacitated? Unlikely. They would have brought Loki to him if he were still nearby. More than likely he had gone back to Asgard- No. That couldn't be true, either; the All-father would likely punish Thor for his disobedience, because there wasn't a chance that Loki had been freed by Odin. But perhaps the thunderer  _had_  gone back to Asgard, perhaps he was now imprisoned and so couldn't get back to Loki?

Feeling a spike of panic rush through him, Loki quickly attempted to stamp it out, to swallow the foolish idea. Because  _of course_  Thor wasn't that foolish. But what did that leave? A mission. Danger. Somewhere Thor could never take his useless, helpless sibling. But why hadn't the other Avenger gone, then, the one who gave Loki Thor's cape?

Too many questions, no way to get answers. He once again rubbed his face with the cloth, resigned, at least for now, to wait it out. It hadn't been that long yet, right?

.

_Loki couldn't remember when it had first happened, except that it was always the same._

_Red._

_Thor._

_Phantom whispers and hidden silhouettes._

_He would lie on a table, screaming and wishing he were dead, then he would see it-_ him _. Just standing, perhaps in a corner, perhaps over Loki, so near but as still as a statue. Watching. Always watching. Calling to him, 'Loki, are you there?'_

 _Loki often cried because of it. He knew it wasn't Thor, not truly, but the sight of the shadowed figure made him wish the torture would remove his senses, to make it so he couldn't see or hear that tantalizing voice, hovering so near yet so far, gone forever but held before him as if he could touch it if he reached_ just a little further.

_But he never could. Because Thor wasn't real. His words echoed in Loki's mind and lingered like a stab wound that wouldn't close._

Why does it taunt me so?

_When Loki was in agony, he was there._

_When Loki ate whatever he was given, he was there._

_When Loki wept for mercy, he was there._

_When darkness overtook his anguish and he smiled at the cold of his room, he was...there._

Why is he here?

_Always standing nearby, Loki nearly went mad with the question._

_Then, one day, when Loki lay in a pool of his own blood, the phantom appeared before him. As always, it did nothing but stand and watch, as if despair were written in its eyes and sorrow a cloak it wore. Loki didn't know why he did it, but he spoke._

_"Why are you here?" he asked of the phantom._

_It said nothing._

_"Why do you torment me so?" he asked next._

_Again, it said nothing, did nothing._

_Loki wiped a tear from his eye, then asked a last question, but this was for himself. "Why do I question phantoms?" He looked straight at the dark silhouette, expecting it to do something, even when he knew it wouldn't. "You're not him, are you? You never were. Please, leave me be." He turned over and ignored it, and when he turned around, it was gone._

_A moment passed, but even through silence so deep, he heard it speak again, 'Loki, where are you?'_

_Loki grabbed his head and screamed into the dark, like a knife upon glass he wished he could shatter._

_._

_Three days later, Loki saw the Serpent, but he couldn't speak anymore, couldn't ask questions. His eyes were darkened soon after. He still felt the phantom lingering, even then._

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Stark complained. He couldn't  _not_  complain because he was wet, and tired, and tired of being with  _Thor_ , and his suit was trashed and he had had to leave it in the locker room.

Fortunately, Thor looked just as miserable, but probably not for the same reasons. He also looked determined, like he would tear through any wall that happened to stand in their way. Bad idea, thought Tony. Who knew how stable this level was?

Obviously, the elevators weren't going anywhere so they had to dig through piles of metal and debris to get to the stairs.

Suddenly, Thor spoke. "Did I ever tell you how I found Loki?"

Tony blinked and stopped. "Um, not in any detail..." But Thor didn't stop, he moved a large piece of metal that he lifted as if it were made of styrofoam.

"You know I searched for him, for months."

"Yeah..."

"Our mother," he threw another piece as it splashed in shallow water, "found him in the end. She had been searching as well, using every ounce of influence she had across the realms, calling on old alliances, forgotten friendships, debts yet to be repaid..." he trailed off, stopping.

After the quiet had gone on for too long, Tony asked, "Okay, so. She found him, what then?" Because Thor  _thinking_  too hard on things never seemed to end well.

He shook his head, then continued with his work. "Even with all my power, I could never have found him. He was under the wastes of Svartalfheim, in some sort of dungeon put there by Bor, my grandfather."

Tony scratched his head. "Okay. Dungeons. You guys have a crazy-"

"Can you believe this, Stark?" Thor interrupted, frowning fiercely and not looking at him. "Our own father would do something like this..." he trailed off, sighing, head falling.

 _Oh great. Now he's thinking again._ "So  _what happened_ , Point Break?" Tony forced out. "You obviously got him out, so how'd you do that?"

Another heavy piece sent waves of shallow water splashing at their feet. Thor inhaled through his nose and squared his shoulders, still not looking at Tony. "I loved my father, Stark." Tony almost sighed in frustration, but continued moving the debris, instead, as the thunderer continued. "He was a good man, once, I know it. He cared for us- for  _Loki_ , but now, ever since..."

"...Ever since?" Tony tried, although he was sure Thor wasn't listening to him.

"Now I've disowned him. He may be the king of Asgard but he is not my father. When I lay awake at night, listening to Loki's strained breathing, I sometimes...almost..."

Tony raised both brows. "What?"

Thor frowned at the metal pieces before him. "I almost hear Loki in my head, as if I were there with him, in his dreams."

A long silence passed before Tony couldn't help it anymore. "You know, Thor, I love ya, big guy, but I'm not sure when a sign popped over my head that says, 'Tony Stark, Sounding Board for Musings of Norse Gods-'"

"Wait," Thor interrupted with a hand up as he looked at the ceiling.

Tony froze as Thor stared. " _What?_ " he whispered.

" _Sh._ " Thor let out a breath and smiled. "Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"I believe our comrades are attempting to reach us." He smiled wider and threw an even larger metal piece behind them as Tony ducked out of the way.

_So much for contemplating our navels._

.

" _Ugh_ ," Tony growled out as they rushed into the helicarrier's bridge. "Finally!"

Fury walked up to them, avoiding agents who rushed by. "Nice of you to join us, gentlemen."

"You're welcome," said Tony, bluntly. "No really, no need to thank us, we're heroes, we do this sort of thing all the time."

Nick stared, as if bored. "Most of our personnel got out but we're still digging through levels-"

"I must return to the tower," interrupted Thor, stepping up.

"What's that?" countered Fury.

"I give my sincerest apologies for not aiding you further, Director, but I will be returning to the tower now."

Tony tried his best not to react, mostly because he wasn't sure how he  _should_  be acting. Loki was, for now, a secret, and he wasn't sure what the appropriate response could be to Thor seemingly shirking his hero's duty. So Tony grimaced as Fury glanced at him, then back at Thor.

"I'm sorry-?"

"I have things to attend to; I am leaving." And, just like that, he turned to leave.

"Thor-" Fury walked after him, but the thunderer had already left. He turned to Tony, who still wore the grimace. "And just what the hell was that?"

Tony smiled- or tried to, at least, although it was still mostly a grimace. "What can I say? He's a god," he shrugged and turned away, hiding his face, because what the hell more could he say?  _I really need to find my spare suit before Nick starts interrogating_ me _about this._

So Tony stiffly walked off the bridge leaving a, no doubt, baffled Nick Fury behind.

_I need a drink._

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

There weren't a lot of things that made Bruce cringe, after all that he'd seen, but this was one of them. He couldn't help looking at them, Jarvis' scans of Loki's injuries. He had never seen anyone more scarred than the poor god. Clearly, as horrible as his outward scars were, the internal ones were worse. He couldn't identify how some of them could have even  _been done_. He had healed by now, but the scans were a snapshot of the torture he'd endured, saved forever in some form, in both the god's mind- Bruce was certain -but also on paper, as if keeping records of such things was important. It wasn't. It always made Bruce feel sick.

Sighing, he closed the file and ran a tired hand across his face.  _What did they put you through, your own people?_  Punishment was one thing, this was...something else. Could his own  _father_ have hated him that much? He was adopted, yes, but... He knew even fathers by blood could be-  _Stop thinking about it, stop. Just stop now._  Bringing out the other guy right now, or any time inside the tower, was always a bad idea.

He sat in silence for a long time, but the quiet of his thoughts, echoed in the lab, weren't helping.

"Jarvis?"

_"Yes, sir?"_

"Are these files still encrypted?"

_"As you asked, yes."_

"Good," he nodded absently. "Good."

But the images of scars and brutalized tissue wouldn't leave his mind, burned into his thoughts until he dreamed them at night. It really wasn't helping his calm. He breathed in through his nose, then out. Then did it again. Then again. The subdued hum of the air system turning on drew Bruce's eyes. He listened to it, allowed it to center him.

"Jarvis?"

_"Yes, sir?"_

"Has Thor tried to look at any of these files? Or asked about them?"

_"No, sir."_

Bruce thought for a moment, furrowing his brow, then asked, "Does he even know  _how_  to ask for them, or search for them..?"

_"He has already learned to use a computer so I assume he could ask if he so desired. However, he may not have had the time given recent events."_

"Right. Right..." He rubbed the side of his cheek as he continued staring at nothing.

A long silence passed as Bruce's chair squeaked with his nervous movement.

"Jarvis?"

_"Yes, sir?"_

A pause. Bruce let out a breath before asking: "Do you think I should tell Thor?"

Another pause, this time long enough that Bruce wondered if the AI had even heard him. Then, almost quietly,  _"He is his family, sir."_

Bruce felt relief flood his body. He didn't know why. Jarvis was just a machine, an AI, so why did he feel so free now? Even with the cryptic answer, he knew exactly what he should do.

He nodded, decision made.

"Jarvis?" He looked to the ceiling. "Thanks." The quiet hum of the air system stopped.

_"Yes, sir."_


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had such a hard time with writing this chapter, not sure why. Angsty chapters are angsty. Ha.

The door shut quietly behind him, yet still, it sounded so loud, so loud in the quiet and dark of his room. Thor stood there, for a moment, drinking it all in, suddenly afraid of seeing his brother again, unable to acknowledge that Loki had done  _this_ , destroyed so much just because  _Thor had left him_. Abandoned him, just when he needed his elder brother the most.

Thor cursed himself, and resisted the urge to curse all of Midgard as well. It wasn't their fault. Yet still... they had pulled Thor away, made him leave his brother when he was still so vulnerable, still so lost.

He hadn't even said goodbye.

Glass and wood crunched under his boots as he slowly walked, the huddled figure in the corner simultaneously calling him and pushing him away.

Loki was draped in Thor's cape, pale face and raven black hair barely visible above the red. He clutched at the fabric and held it tight around him as if it would float away, otherwise, as if it were still an anchor that kept Loki himself from escaping- although to where, Thor couldn't guess.

It was dark here, the lamps broken on the floor and the room's ceiling-lights dim as if Jarvis himself feared this moment.

A loud  _crunch_  of glass made Thor look down.  _Mirror_ , his mind recognized, and the sight of the reflective pieces made Thor's heart hurt, suddenly. He didn't know why.

Loki flinched as he drew closer, but how could he know? Could Thor's mere presence filter through the trickster's sheltered senses, somehow, even now? It didn't make sense and Thor didn't have the presence of mind to think on it further. His brother was calm but still in distress, he knew, even if the pale eyes reflected nothing but a resigned sorrow.

A sharp intake of breath from the young god furrowed Thor's brow as he stood before him.

"I am sorry, brother," mumbled Thor, his voice small in the quiet gathering around them. He couldn't yet touch him as he fumbled for words. "I am sorry I left... I..."

Loki's eyes blinked, as if trying to see, the crimson cape pulled slightly down as if that would help him sense whatever was happening around him.

But all it took for Thor to abandon his fear was a small questioning whimper from his brother, and suddenly his arms were around the younger, pulling him close and  _willing_  him to return the gesture.

Some part of Thor told him it was foolish to be so worried over something so small-  _of course_  Loki would know that he wouldn't leave for just any purpose, that his reasons would be important and  _Loki would know that_. Yes. Yes, he  _would_.

At first, there was no response. Loki's breathing was harsh through his nose but he acted as though he didn't know what was happening. Then he made a distressed sound, loud and  _desperate_  in his throat that almost sounded like he was being attacked and it clenched Thor's heart to hear it- but Loki was clinging to him, hands trembling and so  _harsh_  on Thor's skin and clothing, pulling and scratching. Thor tried to hold on to him properly, to keep his arms around him, but Loki squirmed and writhed, like some animal that wanted  _out_  and didn't want to be caged, yet still he clung to Thor, unrecognizable sounds ripped from his throat all the while.

"Loki, Loki, please!" Thor cried. "Please, stop, you'll hurt yourself."

His little brother keened, low in his throat, then tried to push him away with one hand as the other held fast to Thor's armor. He scowled fiercely as tears fell, and-  _he's crying, he_ can _cry_ _; when did that happen?_  Thor reached out and wiped the tears, recognizing what it meant- he  _was_  indeed healing. But Loki jerked his head away, as far as he could, nose flaring in anger. He made a sound in his throat that clearly said:  _'You don't get to do that,'_  and it made Thor want to hold him even tighter.

"I'm sorry, brother, I should not have left, but..." Why speak to him when he couldn't hear? But the words wouldn't stop as he fought to keep the other in his arms. "But you did so well," he looked around, wondering if that were true. "You were so calm, you did so well... even while I was gone, you took care of yourself." He didn't know if it was true, but he saw the discarded smoothie on the floor, delicately placed there as if it mattered given the state of the room. "Please,  _stop_."

Loki's breaths were strained, in and out as he continued to scowl, continued to fight against himself as he both held tightly to Thor and attempted to push him away.  _Oh, my brother. What is it like to live in your head?_  He was trapped in there, like living in a box. He might be able to sense what was outside, that he was being moved or that others spoke, but he could never be a part, never  _join_  those outside.

Thor stroked Loki's head, ran his fingers through his dark hair, ignored the strange sounds coming from him. It was obvious he was conflicted, and Thor didn't want to stress his brother any more than he was already enduring. If he wanted to push Thor away, so be it, he would give him space if he wished, but it was all-too clear that Loki couldn't bring himself to let go- he still  _needed_  Thor, even, perhaps, to the point of angering himself.

And finally, when Thor cupped the back of his neck to hold him closer, Loki broke down in a sob, leaning in and clutching at Thor's chest. A high-pitched noise escaped him then, as his wide desperate eyes looked up at Thor that said,  _'Don't leave.'_

Thor nodded and held him, wrapping his arms more fully around the younger and holding him steady. He wanted to say,  _'I won't,'_  but, no matter how desperately he wished to, he still knew he couldn't. That was a promise he couldn't know for certain he could keep, and he would never risk breaking his promise to his brother. Never.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Sleep had been both evading Loki and hounding him at every turn. He was  _tired_ , even given his lack of activity of late, but he couldn't bring himself to sleep knowing his brother could return at any moment. He couldn't miss his return,  _he couldn't_ , he would remain here, ready and waiting until he returned and embraced Loki and kissed him and everything would be alright again.

Still. He didn't know how to feel about Thor abandoning him-  _leaving_  him. He shouldn't be angry with him, he knew, but he also couldn't ignore the  _despair_  he felt at being left alone, and so suddenly. But was there any other way Thor could have left? It wasn't as if he could explain whatever was happening... Yet he hadn't said goodbye, even  _attempted_ it. What could be his excuse? He ignored the small voice that said he might not ever return, that even if he had meant to,  _anything_  could be happening and there was no way to know...

A gust of wind and an almost imperceptible change in air pressure stole Loki's breath away. Something was pressing in on him, a presence so near suddenly. He didn't feel anything yet, no hand on him to guide him, no arms to embrace him, but he somehow  _knew._

 _Is that...is this_ him _?_ He barely dared to hope.

Then, so suddenly it pulled the breath from him, he was surrounded by  _Brother_. He couldn't move, at first, too shocked to do  _anything_  but try and gather his thoughts. Could it be? It suddenly seemed like so long, so long that Thor had been gone that Loki had almost forgotten what those arms felt like wrapped around him.

He tried to move his heavy limbs, tried to return the embrace, but his arms wouldn't listen, at least not in the way he wanted. He realized, suddenly, he was  _angry_. His abandonment was catching up to him and the flood of emotions wouldn't stop, even as he actively tried to stem the tide.  _Not his fault not his fault_ \- but it wasn't helping, he tried to push Thor away-

_No! I need him!_

A finger trailed along his face and Loki immediately knew what it was for- it was trying to take his tears away.

 _No! I won't allow you to do that!_ He felt angry at the hand- the loving,  _caring_  hand trying to take his hurt away, because what if that hand went away again? Loki didn't know if he could hold himself up anymore if he went away again; he had been so lost for  _so long_  and Thor was there suddenly, there to hold him and take care of him and then, just as suddenly, he was gone. His mind tried to soothe him, to tell him that Thor had only been gone a short while, that he came back in the end, that he would sometimes leave, that  _it was going to happen_ , no matter how much he didn't wish it to.

 _He can't stay with you forever_ , said a voice. Loki didn't like that voice, he wanted to ignore it.

A hand ran through his hair, softly and with an air of love Loki didn't want to feel right now. He  _wanted_  to be angry, to hold to it so he wouldn't be hurt again, to  _push it away_  before the gentleness and love could consume him again- because if he lost himself to it, how could he be Loki? Loki who did best when on his own,  _alone_ , thriving in the dark-  _not flailing, no not flailing_  -without anyone to be with him because  _that's what he was._  That's what it meant to be a traitor and monster and  _no, I can't, I can't be so alone, I need him, I_ need _Thor- I can't be left here again... Brother, please._

The hand was on the nape of his neck now, always familiar, as if it never left. Loki lunged forward, needing so desperately to  _feel_ , suddenly. Strong arms wrapped around, tugging at his heart and making all thoughts fly away, the storm of his brother leaving nothing but a rawness that he somehow needed in this moment.

_I love you, I love you, I love you..._

Loki rubbed his head against Thor's chest, trying to convey his words in whatever way he could. Thor lifted his face then, peppering kisses across his features and holding him close, as if he were afraid Loki might float away, otherwise.

He knew the words that Thor spoke against the side of his head. He didn't need his ears for that, he already knew. Yet still, Thor repeated them, repeated them until they both sunk onto the bed and, for once, blissful, dreamless sleep followed after them.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Thor ran his calloused fingers through Loki's hair then repeated the gesture in time with his little brother's slow breaths. For once, Loki was truly sleeping; the younger rarely slept, and if he did, he awoke with vicious nightmares that tore the screams from his trapped throat. But now, he seemed at peace and it made a flutter run through Thor's heart at the sight.

_Sleep, my brother, sleep..._

A light knock on the door caught his ear and he hoped desperately that Loki would not wake. Quietly inviting the visitor in, he recognized the form of Bruce Banner silhouetted in the doorway.

"Hey, Thor," greeted the meek mortal.

Thor acknowledged him with a nod, not wanting to wake his sibling.

Bruce walked in tentatively, looking around. "Wow, I, uh, I knew Loki had destroyed the room but...I wasn't here to actually see it for myself. Jarvis said I should stay away..." he trailed off, his words lingering as if they weren't important and he was here to speak on other matters.

Several awkward moments later, Thor asked, "Was there something you wished to discuss?" Loki stirred but didn't wake.

"Oh, uh. Yeah, actually. But...this is probably a bad time, I can come back later-"

"No, no, it is alright," Thor interrupted. He wasn't sure why, but the mortal's demeanor told him it was probably important. Although he didn't wish to wake Loki, especially when he was sleeping so soundly, he recognized that whatever it was, it could have something to do with his younger brother. "Please," he said cordially, "enter."

Bruce chuckled as he continued looking around. "He really did a number on the room, huh? Guess I can't blame him," he muttered. He walked in, avoiding debris on the floor. "I'm sure you could take one of the other rooms, Tony does have a lot of them-"

"Bruce," Thor cut in, although gently, "was there something important you wished to discuss?" And, again, Loki moved, and Thor decided he could leave his brother's side for the moment, although he wouldn't leave the room. At a reluctant nod from the scientist, Thor carefully set his brother on the pillow he had been sitting on, then sat on the edge of the bed close to his brother's legs. "Would you care to sit?" Thor asked, indicating the other side of the bed.

Bruce's smile was forced but kind. "It's okay, I should probably stand. Not sure how Loki would feel if he accidentally kicked me and knew it wasn't you..." he trailed off and swallowed. "Guess I'll just...get to the point."

Thor watched his friend pace and wring his hands together, as if nervous. That wasn't too strange, except that Banner was typically very calm and unassuming, only showing overt emotion when he was stressed. That was something everyone around him noticed, however small, given what could happen...

"Do you, uh," started the mortal as he grimaced. "You remember when we looked at Loki's injuries, at the scans Jarvis took?" Thor nodded. "Right," Bruce continued slowly. "Well, um, I...might not have told you everything about...what happened to Loki..." His hesitation was making Thor apprehensive, although he waited and said nothing, hoping the mortal would continue quicker. "I really, uh, I don't know how to say this without..." he pursed his lips and avoided Thor's gaze. "So I'm just going to say it: I think...I think Loki was raped."

Thor blinked, then looked around, then met Banner's gaze again. "I assumed as much."

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

 _What?_  Bruce felt his lips move to say something, but the word wouldn't come out.

 _"I assumed as much."_   What did that mean? Did he already know?

Thor sighed heavily, eyes roving over his brother's form. Bruce expected him to say something, his demeanor as contemplative as it was, but the thunder god said nothing as he turned back to Banner with a question in his eyes. After a brief pause, he asked, "Was there something else?"

 _Something...else?_  Bruce wasn't sure what to think, except:  _What, is_ that  _not enough?_

He finally found his voice. "Wait- so you  _knew_?"

Thor frowned. "No. However, I understood it to be a possibility. Why bring this to me now?" he asked with an honesty bordering on childish innocence, as if he couldn't guess why Bruce  _wouldn't want to tell him about that._  Was it so strange to the god?

"You-" Bruce was having a hard time reconciling that Thor might have known. "So you- wait, you didn't know but you, what,  _suspected_? Is that what you're saying?" He squinted at the thunder god, then wondered why he left his glasses in the lab. Maybe he had thought not seeing was better than the alternative. But right now, he just felt blind.

Thor shrugged with one shoulder. "I suppose, yes. His injuries were grievous and that he was...harmed in other ways would not be surprising." He tilted his head at Bruce, knitting his brows together. "You appear flustered, Banner, was there something else?"

Again? Again he asks if there's  _something else_. Was he expecting something  _worse_? Because Bruce couldn't imagine  _what else_  he could say that would elicit an expected response from the thunder god. He scoffed and Thor noticed.

"I've upset you," stated Thor. "Why?"

Bruce couldn't look him in the eye as he scratched the back of his head and shifted uncomfortably. "Thor," he said after a pause, ignoring the question. "Why did you suspect? I mean... that's not exactly something that comes to mind, or- at least not to  _most_  people's minds. I mean-" he ran a hand through his hair and forced himself to look at the other. "Why would you even  _consider_?"

Thor's frown turned confused. "It is not uncommon..."

"I'm sorry?" Bruce couldn't help but interrupt. "I'm sorry, what's not uncommon?  _Rape_?" The words were ripped out of him, he couldn't help feeling a sting of annoyance at his friend, suddenly. His boldness, however, seemed to give Thor pause.

"I..." the god seemed to be rethinking his words, which was strange itself and it made Bruce feel a little better, that he was at least  _trying_  to be uncomfortable with whatever was going on- which he obviously didn't understand. "Unfortunately, no," he finally mumbled, although his gaze didn't slip. He stared intently at Bruce.

Bruce couldn't even let his exasperation show, he just felt numb. "Really," he said blankly. "Huh. I...don't really know what to say to that." Because he  _really didn't_. What the hell was this? Thor obviously cared for his brother, yet he acted as if this knowledge was nothing special, that his brother  _being raped_ \- and probably more than once, although he didn't want to get into that -was nothing new, even though he had admitted he  _hadn't_  known, only suspected. Bruce had expected shock, anger, thunder rumbling... _something_ , something characteristic of the easily angered thunder god. Was this quietness for Loki's benefit, perhaps? To keep him from waking? Or maybe Thor's new-found self-control was shining through; Bruce didn't know. He somehow would have preferred angry growling and stomping about and thunder storms shaking the building because that was a  _normal reaction_ , at least in Bruce's mind, and at least when it came to Thor. Maybe he didn't know him as well as he thought.

He stared at Thor, searching his eyes, although for what he wasn't certain anymore. The god stared back at him, confused still. He didn't want to be angry with Thor, it wasn't callousness staring back at him, but, somehow,  _ignorance_.

_What the hell kind of place is Asgard, anyway?_

Bruce walked out, thinking that  _someone_  might be getting angry soon, and, unfortunately, it probably wouldn't be Thor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, some of you guessed what Bruce was keeping from the others, although it wasn't exactly meant to be a secret. I'm wondering what you guys think of Thor's reaction so far.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, the last half of this just refused to be written! ...Ehh, but either way, here it is! ;D

Tony walked into the common room, and what he walked in on was...strange, to say the least. Out of everyone in their group, Thor was one of the most temperamental, but it was  _who he was arguing with_ that gave Tony pause.

_Is that...Bruce?_

Yep. Definitely. His voice was still quiet, at least compared to Thor's, and it was clear he was trying to keep his calm, but for  _him_...he might as well have been shouting.

"...I don't understand why you aren't  _upset_ , that's the  _issue_ -" he said the last word like Thor had been using it before him. "Thor, what happened to your brother was-"

They both turned to Tony suddenly, like deer in headlights-  _annoyed_  deer in headlights.

"Tony," Bruce sighed in frustration, turning around.

"I'm...clearly interrupting something..." tried Stark, not liking the tension in the room. "I mean, don't get me wrong, watching Thunder Pants and Mister Hyde go at is always fun to watch, but..." he trailed off, still eyeing the two. Bruce was obviously agitated, at Tony or Thor, he couldn't tell, and Thor seemed...constipated. Oh wait, that was his thinking face.

 _And, oh look at that._ Loki was apparently in the room, too, standing on the other side of Thor and looking confused and blank all at the same time. Both his arms wrapped around one of Thor's in a secure grip.

Thor sighed and looked to Bruce. "I have already explained it, Banner, I am, of course, angered at what has happened to him but I see no difference to-"

"See, that's what I'm talking about!" Bruce interjected- and quite forcefully. Clearly this had been going on for some time, and probably in circles given the scientist's mood. "I  _get_  that you feel bad for him, I do, but you can't just  _ignore_  this kind of thing-"

"I am not ignoring it!" Thor boomed.

"Then why are you acting this way?"

"What way?"

 _I really need to get out of here_ , Tony thought absently.  _They might break something. Probably me._

Bruce grimaced, apparently trying to find his words. "Like...like it's  _no big deal._  Why the hell aren't you more angry? I was expecting," he waved a frustrated hand, "I don't  _know_.  _Rage_  or something! Just... _more_..."

Thor frowned.

_Yep. Need to leave. He's thinking again. Thor thinking is never a good thing._

"Why should I get angry? I am already angry at what has happened to him, should I become  _more_  angry?"

"Yes! Yes, you should."

"Uh..." Tony decided it was a good time to interrupt. He was always so great with timing. "I'm sensing some drama developing here- care to explain?"

"Tony," Bruce rubbed his forehead. "This is kind of a private conversation."

"And this is my very private home. Oh  _wait_ , not anymore." He smiled sweetly. Bruce scowled at him.

"It is nothing," said Thor, sighing. "Banner seems to think I am not sufficiently angered by my brother being violated by his punishers. I have been  _trying_  to assure him-"

"Uh," Tony held up a finger, "I'm sorry, what was that again?" He walked closer, squinting. "Did you just say violated- as in, like, violated,  _violated_  -because I'm pretty sure my arc reactor might explode if I have to fill it with any more sad feelings for the poor guy."  _Wow, wow..._ He didn't even know what to do with that so he just stared at them.

Bruce let out a frustrated noise and lowered his eyes to his hand. "Did you  _really_  have to tell him that, Thor."

Everybody jumped when Loki made a high pitched  _keen_  and fell backward onto the ground, twitching this way and that in what Tony could only describe as a fit.

 _Holy, what in the-_ "Do I need to call the exorcist?" Tony blurted out.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Standing. They were  _standing_. Not doing anything, just standing. Of course, Loki surmised that Thor was probably doing something, he just couldn't figure out what. And when Thor began attempting to prevent himself from gesticulating with the arm Loki clung to, it was obvious he was speaking to someone- perhaps arguing? It made Loki nervous.

Their morning had been typical, as if nothing at all had happened. Even if he still felt hurt about Thor leaving, he finally reconciled that his elder brother wouldn't leave without good cause, and he held to that knowledge like a lifeline, even if it turned his stomach to know there was  _anything_  that could keep his brother from him.

It didn't matter; Thor was here now. Everything was fine...wasn't it?

Loki moved closer to Thor and wondered if he should try pulling him away from whatever conversation he was having. Surely it couldn't be good if it caused his brother to be so agitated...or perhaps he was simply excited? Thor did get carried away with his stories, at times. Loki hoped for the latter explanation.

A small burning sensation began moving upwards from the small of Loki's back. He frowned and felt the surrounding area with his hands, although there was nothing but open air.  _What is that?_  It wasn't getting hotter but it was spreading, moving along his arms and legs now. But when it reached his neck, then his head, something like an explosion of pain ripped through his mind, causing him to fall.

He tried to ask, tried to scream,  _brother, help me!_  even through his caged lips, but he  _couldn't_. It felt like someone had poured lava into his skull, and-

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Loki stopped moving. Panic gripped at Thor's every limb and he itched to  _do something_. His little brother had screamed and screamed through his stitches, pulling them and causing blood to pour through the recently healed puncture wounds, but the string held firm, their magic not giving way for anything. Thor wanted to rage and rip the strings out, even if it hurt his brother, at least he would be rid of them; but it was impossible, and he was no sorcerer.

Bruce was already at Loki's side, checking him over and insisting that they take him to the medical wing, their earlier argument forgotten. Thor nodded and scooped Loki into his arms, relieved to feel the strong but too fast heartbeat of his brother.

Stark followed closely behind, his normally carefree face filled with worry. It seemed strange, yet it wasn't. Thor had come to know his friends very well over the last few years, but that still was too short a time, especially in comparison to the whole of his life- and what more life he had to come.

The sterile white room greeted them as Thor set his brother down, carefully and cradling his head. Loki's mouth bled profusely onto the pale sheets.

"Thor, I need you to step back," Banner spoke swiftly, the doctor in him taking over.

Thor nodded and did so, having seen his friend perform his duties enough to know he would only be a hinderance if he lingered too close. Stark stood next to him.

"I'm sure he'll be fine," said the inventor. "He's, uh...tough. Right? He'll be...he'll be okay." Tony's eyes glazed over for a moment, looking at nothing. He then snapped to, as if a thought had jumped into his head. "I...I've gotta go." Thor frowned in confusion at him. "Your brother'll be fine. Call me if you guys need me, alright?" He patted Thor twice on the back then walked briskly out of the room.

"What was that all about?" asked Banner without looking up from his patient.

Thor looked behind him then back at Bruce. "I do not know." Perhaps his friend was uncomfortable with the blood? That didn't make sense, Tony had seen his fair share. Thor shook his head; it didn't matter, only  _Loki_  mattered right now.

"Is he-"

"He's fine," spoke Banner, almost too quickly.

Thor tilted his head. "Are you certain..?"

Bruce sighed loudly and scratched his forehead. "I can't find anything wrong with him; I'm pretty sure he's just unconscious. Jarvis?"

_"My analysis yields the same results."_

"Hm." The scientist rubbed his chin and eyed the god on the bed. Thor stepped closer but didn't dare touch his brother just yet. An idea seemed to form as Banner lifted his head. "Jarv, can you please do another scan of the patient?"

_"Of course, sir."_

Several minutes passed before Jarvis chimed in that the scan was complete. Both Banner and Thor perked up as the former looked over the tablet in his hand, frowning.

"Jarvis," said Banner, "can you display these results holographically?"

_"Where would you like me to display them?"_

"Above Loki is fine."

Thor wondered where Banner was going with this, but he knew the mortal was cautious and attentive, he always looked at every angle and took advantage of every technology Stark had to offer.

When the translucent image of Loki's inner structure appeared before them, Thor couldn't help but inhale sharply. He stared, wide-eyed.

"What?" asked Banner, frowning.

"What is wrong with him?" Thor moved a little to the side, wondering what he was seeing.

"What do you mean? I'm not seeing anything different compared to last time-" He eyed Thor. "You  _have_  seen this before, right?"

Thor shook his head.  _What is this?_

Banner sighed as his shoulders slumped. "If it makes you feel any better, he looks a  _lot_  better than before-"

"No, you misunderstand. It is not Loki's  _injuries_  that startle me."

He paused a moment. "Then what?"

Thor tried to describe it. It was like watching rivers of light flowing through Loki's body, from his head and down his spine, and across his four limbs, following the lines of his skeletal structure. He didn't know what it could be.

Bruce stared at the image, squinting. "Are you sure?" Thor nodded emphatically. "I'm not seeing it. Jarvis?"

_"I am not detecting any anomalous readings in the projection."_

"But it is there," said Thor, gesturing with slight irritation. "How can you not see it? It is so bright." Almost... _burning_. Like fire. It was also beautiful, in a way, if ominous, given that Thor had never seen such a thing within a person before. This technology was somewhat similar to the Soul Forge in Asgard, but still different. This one didn't display the person's anatomy in real time, yet it was still accurate- or so he had believed.

_"My diagnostics reveal no flaw in the room's projectors. Would you like me to inform Mister Stark of your findings?"_

"Uh," said Banner, "no, that's fine. I'll tell him later." He looked to Thor and said, more quietly, "No need to alert the others if we don't know what it is yet."

Thor frowned. He didn't quite understand his meaning but he nodded anyway. If this was a medical matter then the others didn't need to know, at least not right away.

Crossing his arms, Bruce tilted his head and asked, "Jarvis, please bring up Loki's scans from earlier."

_"Which ones would you like to see, sir?"_

"All of them. Start with the first, then we'll go from there."

The current image disappeared and was replaced by another one. Thor couldn't help but grimace and look away for a moment. This  _was_  worse than how his brother looked now. He couldn't believe how far Loki had come in so short a time, and yet...very little had changed. Loki still suffered and now he was suffering in a new way, something Thor didn't understand. He forced himself to look back, suddenly determined. These injuries were the past. He wouldn't forget them but he would move on so he could help Loki's future- a better future, he hoped.

He stared at the image. "There," he pointed. "It is the same."

"Same...rivers of light? Jarv-"

_"My analysis yields the same results: no anomalous readings detected."_

"Damn, what is this?" muttered the mortal. "Next image, please." The AI obliged. When it appeared, he asked, "The same?"

Thor nodded. The next image was also the same, and the next. Loki's body was healing, looking better with each one, but the rivers of light remained, neither growing nor shrinking. What could it be?

"Jarvis?" Banner spoke after the fourth image. "Can you call Steve down here?" The AI acknowledged. Bruce looked to Thor. "I think we need to see if it's just me, or Jarvis, or if this has something to do with you being..." He waved an uncertain hand in Thor's direction. "You know."

"Of course," Thor agreed. They might look similarly to him but they are very different, after all.

Only five minutes later, Steve walked in. "What's wrong, guys? Jarvis said to get down here right away."

"Hey, Cap. Can you look at this for a sec?"

The captain walked forward and smiled in greeting at Thor for a moment, then squinted at the image. "What am I supposed to be seeing here?"

"Do you...see anything strange?" asked Bruce.

He lifted a brow. "You mean...other than, uh..." The captain's eyes flicked sympathetically to Thor's.

"Do not worry, Steve," said Thor. "You will not disrespect my brother by acknowledging his injuries." Thor tried to smile but it was small. Still, Steve seemed to relax, if a little.

The soldier shrugged. "I don't know. It just looks like a typical scan, I mean... _horrible_ , of course," he again glanced at Thor. "But other than that, it looks like all the others."

Banner sighed and rested a hand on his chin.

"Why?" asked the captain as he looked between Thor and Bruce. "What am I supposed to be seeing."

"Nothing," said Banner. "Thanks for your help, Steve." He smiled with pursed lips and nodded to the blonde captain.

An eyebrow lifted as Steve muttered in slight confusion, "Okay..." He walked toward the door slowly. "If you guys need any help, don't hesitate to ask."

Thor chimed in, "Thank you, Steve." He watched him leave, then turned to the scientist. "What could this mean?"

"I really don't know. I think we might have to call in Tony, see if this has anything to do with his tech, but..." His eyes roved over Loki's body for a moment, an idea no doubt forming. "Wait a sec," he looked up, then to Thor. "We should try zooming in."

"What?"

"You know how to do it, right?"

Thor nodded, although not quite understanding yet. He moved his hands forward, then pulled them out in the proper gesture for 'zooming in'.

His eyes widened at the image.  _Oh..._

.

Oh, my brother, how could I have let this happen to you? _Thor cradled his little brother in his arms, pressed him against his chest as if that would hold him together, keep his ripped mind from spilling out, hide him from the darkness he'd so long endured in that horrible cave. Thor couldn't help his own trembling as he lay Loki down in an isolated cave, the rush of battle still ringing in his ears. The uru metal of Mjolnir was awash with the screams and blood of those fallen to its might, deserved and vicious vengeance laid out in the cold air of a dead world._

_Loki shook terribly as he lay limply against the cold stone. Awake, Thor knew, but unable to move, even in his obvious fear. Unwilling to watch his little brother's suffering, Thor again drew him to his chest, heedless of whether he would injure him further. Because how could he? Loki was a mess of agony and pain; Thor could almost feel it, himself. He was pale, far too pale, yet mottled with purple and black and red and yellow and-_

_His face, his face, his face..._

_Thor cried openly, let out what he'd held back in the dark cave. He'd crushed the Serpent and all those nearby with a rage he feared even himself. He didn't remember a lot of followed, only that afterward, blood dripped from Mjolnir and a violent storm shook the very ground, a storm Thor couldn't quell, even as he tried._

_This cave was different, so very different. Not lively, of course, but not a harrowing abyss that had swallowed his brother whole and chewed and chewed and..._

_Lightning struck a large rock outside as hail began to fall. It joined the rain already falling, along with heavy snow, churning together with blackened ash in an unnatural mixture that beat the ground as if in wrath. Wind howled and black sand whipped the land with rage and without mercy. Even the ground shook with an angry, intermittent rumble._

Stop this, _Thor told himself. He might kill both his little brother and himself, but he_ couldn't. _He couldn't control himself any more, just as he couldn't stop his brother's torture. So instead he punished the land, glad that no one lived in this desolation. A dead rock that deserved to stay dead, if what happened in its bowels was any proof of the realm's worth..._

_He should destroy this planet to its core._

_He could do it._

_He could._

_In that moment Thor feared himself. Feared himself enough that he gripped tight both his brother and the item their mother had given him, then transported the two of them away from the wretched realm._

.

"What is it, Thor?" asked Banner, eyes steady on him.

Thor inhaled deeply through his nose, then slowly, exhaled the same way. "Magic."

"What?"

He stared at the burning light, could not have looked away if he tried. Runes.  _Thousands_  of runes glittered along the lines of his brother's body, only visible in their cluttered mass when glimpsed up close. Who could have done this? There were few in the Nine Realms that could match this power, and even Loki was not among them.

"What does that mean, Thor?" Bruce stared at him with expectant, worried eyes. "Thor?"

The god straightened up and looked down at Loki, ran his fingers through the raven hair. "I don't know," he muttered, unable to summon his typically overpowering voice. "I am no sorcerer, Banner." He continued to stroke his brother's hair. "I do not know how to..."

He wished he knew magic. It wasn't the first time. His youthful self would have laughed at him, scorned him, called him a  _coward_  for wanting such a thing but it didn't change Thor's wish any. If he had been more like Loki, had, perhaps, heeded his brother's talents and joined him, even if for a short time, had learned even  _a little_  of what his brother knew, he might be able to help him now. But no. There was nothing he had found more useless and  _boring_  than his brother's primary interest, and now  _he regretted it_. Thor rarely regretted anything, and yet, more and more, that was changing with the past few years. What had changed so much in these few short years? Himself or his brother? He knew the answer immediately:  _both_.

He also knew what he had to do, but he didn't know how to go about it. He would need help. He didn't know magic, but he would do whatever he could to find someone who  _did_.

His brother's eyes drifted slowly open. The pale eyes blinked, once, twice, trying to open and  _see_ , even when he couldn't. Thor leaned down and touched his face. Loki turned to him and Thor was glad that there was no trace of pain in his features.

"Brother," Thor whispered. He touched his forehead to the other's. "I will not fail you again."

He would find someone, but he would need the Avenger's help first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, so what's Thor up to now? Hope you guys liked the chapter. :3 I'm afraid Thor and Bruce's...disagreement will be put on hold, at least for the time being.
> 
> Oh yeah, before I forget. If you guys ever see two paragraphs (which are defined by the spaces between them) that are mashed together and don't have a space, could you please point it out? I try to find them all but sometimes I miss some. I'm not sure why it does that, but I've seen some other authors have the same problem.


	16. This is not a chapter

This isn't a chapter! So, so sorry... I know, I know, I hate it when authors use their notes as a chapter, but I didn't know any other good way of informing my readers. So, as much as I've been trying to avoid this the last few months, I've decided that it's for the best. Don't worry, I'm not abandoning this story or anything, but I'm afraid I'll have to go on hiatus for a while. In fact, I'm going on hiatus with  _a_ _ll_ of my stories until further notice (those of you reading  _The Door Home_ series, don't worry, I'll at least finish out the current episode). I just don't have the inspiration/time/drive/etc/all of the above to keep up with this fic quite as frequently as I'd like, so I'm taking a step back from it, at least for a while. I feel bad not updating frequently and it's starting to become a point of stress for me, which isn't helping with my drive to write. I already have a lot of the next part figured out so I suppose it's not a lack of ideas, more a lack of motivation, maybe inspiration. I don't know how long it'll take me to get back into the "groove" of writing (not just this fic), hopefully just a few months, I don't really know. For the time being, I'll still post one-shots and maybe some shorter stories that have a few chapters, but that's probably it. I'm not abandoning my longer stories, just taking a break from them. (To my  _The Door Home_  readers, I'll be posting an A/N in the next update that is more specific to that series.)

Again, so sorry for all of this, I know it's annoying. Hopefully, I'll find some time to write more chapters for this story, but I'm not making any plans to do so for at least a couple of months. Oh, and very, very sorry for leaving on a cliffhanger. I did the same thing with one of my other fics, apparently I choose the worst times to go on hiatus. Although, I honestly can't think of a good place to stop because the next few chapters would all likely stop on cliffhangers.

Until the next update, wonderful readers!


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